bucket, wave, sing and drink...

And so it happened (I just broke the rule of starting a sentence with 'and') Last night I ran the bible study. I was supposed to run it last Tuesday, but the wonderful Andrew got to chatting about evangalism and the likes of, and when he talks about something I just can't help but sit in awe, I love that brain and so the last thing I was going to do was interrupt and change the direction of the night.
So at the helm of the bible study this week was Mwah! Probably worked in my favour to not have done it last week, as come last night I had my nerves more under control than I had the same time the week before.

Throughout it felt so painful, I didn't feel that I was making the connections I wanted to make, or that I was even expressing things the way I wanted them to be expressed...

But at the end of the night people told me they thought it was great, that I had done an awesome job, leading the discussion. I didn't really agree, but their words were kind, and people really seemed to be able to chat about the topic raised which was encouraging.

I guess when it comes down to it, I felt challenged throughout the whole preparation and application process...I felt stretched. I guess it's just another example of Christs faithfulness, I asked for it and he brought it to being. I'm not sure if I'll run another bible study for a while, at the completion of the last the first thing I thought was, I don't think I'm designed to lead a small group. But then Nick came over and said that I should consider doing another one. So maybe more practise will flex this little muscle a bit.

............................

On the subject of muscles, I've decided that it's time to really get in shape. Of late as I've really begun to shape up spiritually, I've really felt convicted about the condition I've allowed my body to be in. When I really look at it, I don't believe that I'm honouring God by being a lazy-ass. So I've decided that it's time for a Godly boot-camp of sorts. My aim is to create a healthy mind, body and spirit. As Uni comes to a close for another year, I've decided to spend the next 3 months really stepping up to the challenge. I love a good challenge.
Daily stretching of the mind, spirit and body.
Your more than welcome to share this challenge with me. I'll share with you here about my progress. Encouragement is more than welcome...and heck knows there are going to be days when I'll really need it.

So to kick off - "Body-step" tonight...it's hard, but I think I've found an exercise which I really love!!

P.S. Got swooped by a Magpie today as Bec and I were trecking up the hill - add to that the fact that the cops drove past right on cue, laughing hysterically and then as I blindly spun trying to avoid a beak to the back of the head, I walked straight into the chest of some bloke coming down the hill, would have falen on my butt except he grabbed my arm before I could fall too far. All I managed to mumble in the chaos was "I nearly killed you and then you saved me!"
Hmmm...interesting day...Man, I was laughing hysterically, all I can say is that I'm glad the bloke was laughing too.

Have an awesome day guys wear a bucket on your head while waving your arms furiously, singing and remember to drink plenty of water! ;)

He's mixing it up...

So, I've been asked to bring something to share at bible study this week. Nick approached me on sunday about it and asked if I didn't mind would I be interested in deciding the direction of the night.
My initial reaction was to say 'No' but then when I took a moment to consider, I realized that this was the sort of opportunities I'd been sort of wanting in a round-a-bout sort of way. So I decided to say okie doke.
And pretty much straight away I started to think, "what have I gotten myself into?!"
But I brainstormed last night, and just really laid it before God and asked him to decide the direction of the night. When I woke up this morning and started reading through some of the idea's I really felt at peace with one in particular, which coincidently (I don't think so!!) is the one which requires me to be the most vulnerable.
I Figure that it makes sense since I did ask God to keep me humble through the whole experience so that it doesn't become a "Oh I'm leading" power trip. So some of the things Gods stirring in me to share are definitely going to keep me humble, and to be absolutely honest, scares the bejeebers outta me.

So thats the big thing of the moment, just preparing myself to serve the best way I can.

On the Nick situation, things are good. As I've spent my time in close fellowship with God I feel as though I've been wearing my spiritual blinders a bit more, not allowing myself to be distracted by other things. Because of this I was able to have a great chat with Nick after Church on sunday, no craziness or moronics, just some good laughs and interesting convo.

*HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF*

Sunday Arvo, I headed out to lunch with the girls at 'rumours' and got some piccies. I really have to start getting more piccies up here...I will eventually.
I love hanging out with my girls, they're among some of the greatest blessings in my life.

Watched the movie "Kingdom of Heaven" SOooooooo good! Loved it so much, so I bought it for my dad for his birthday, a pressy we can both enjoy ;)

Hmmm...what else?!

OH! heres a biggen, which I'm pretty stoked about. Bec came back chatting about her big weekend on the grog and doing all these different things, and whre my flesh use to crave that old man lifestyle I had. I felt sick...
I don't just mean disgusted, but I started feeling physically sick, like I was going to throw-up.
perhaps I'm strange - actually thats a given. But having that feeling made me feel 'over the moon'.
As I've spent more and more time in fellowship with God, my heart is changing, my desires are changing, and I'm really seeing the uselessness of this worlds filfillments for what they are - Trash!

Gods changing me and I love it - I just want to serve him with everything.
Tiny fear that I may loose friendships...since I'm not into the party scene anymore - but God is more faithful and I'm taking on the attitude that, it really doesn't matter to me. People matter to me, but the only way I can help them, is to allow myself to show them the way, to point them to Jesus, and I can't do that while I'm just one of the masses.
Gods call and his purpose is starting to weigh so heavily on my conciousness that I don't want to live out my days trying to make everyone happy. I want to live out my days to make my saviour, my dad happy.
I'm his passion - He's gotta be mine too!!

dis-jointed words...of a growing heart.

So you like someone, realize that your not getting any signals at all, fear even daring to make your feelings known out of fear of rejection. No make that, you don't make your feelings known because your not recieving any signs that they're interested in you.

So you pray, and you feel God telling you that he wants you to let it go.

It's been a year getting to know this person, you respect them hugely and everytime you think of letting it go you think "But what am I supposed to do after that?"

"There is no sacrifice without pain" They're the words God whispered to my spirit last night...
"Nor shall I make offerings to the Lord my God with that which costs me nothing"
2 Samuel 24:24 - thats the verse thats been bouncing around in my head.

You'll have to excuse my very broken writing tonight, I'm just knackered, my brain is fried from this stupid social Justice Essay and I'm more than ready for a sleep.

I've been living up a huge God week this week. The busiest week of Uni this term and my buddy Fless and I made a pact to fully go out hard for God. Craziness, perhaps, but we want to make a concious effort ot keep God on top of everything in our lives, especially when everything tells us to bury it for a while untill life settles down...after all, this life is LIFE!

so thats me, I work, I pray, I study, I worship, I think and I cry...

God said I could have a good cry about the whole situation - for all of you on the outside looking in, I bet it sounds ridiculous and I'll agree, it probably is. But to me, it means something, and to me it's something my heart has to deal with.

I know God wants me single right now, but I'm only human, I miss the companionship, I miss having someone to hold and someone to be held by.
But God is faithful, never cruel. It's as simple as that.

I trust you Dad, I've just got to pop on the blinders and keep my eyes fixed on you.

Appreciation...

So it's been a few days since I last posted, and here I find myself tapping at the keyboard on a rainy saturday afternoon.
Some of my mob from Armidale came up with the concept of comedy-dessert fests on a saturday night, so thats what I'm preparing for currently; this weeks viewing will consist of "Mother and Son" accompanied by big bowls of ice cream with all the shabbang (Sprinkles choc sauce, choc bits)
We've got plans for Mr Bean, Lano and Woodley and Carl Barron amongst others (One each week) over the next few weeks.

Though I must admit that while I'm anticipating this evening I'm missing Wae Jae terribly, I KNOW! I never thought that would happen :p
Nah I have to admit that I've grown incredibly fond of the man. Over the last week we've sat up till around 2am chatting about all sorts of things, I've never had an incredibly close male friend and I must say that I'm loving it. I guess the greatest thing about it all is that there is a level of transparancy which occasionally leaves me awe-struck. But at the same time there is no confusion in the emotional arena, we both know where we stand and there's something very liberating about not having to worry that the other may be reading into something more than was intended.
Though what was exciting was Felicity's admital of her feelings towards Wae Jae, had I not been driving at the time I would have leapt out of my seat for sheer excitement. I couldn't help feeling that it would be the ultimate union.
I love Felicity and Wae Jae incredibly, so so much. Wae Jae had spoken of another woman about a month ago, and as he spent some time with her I remember feeling saddened by the fact that he wasn't around very much anymore, because she didn't like coming over to his place, so he was constantly over there. My concern was also that he often missed church and bible studies because he was 'busy'. Granted you don't need those things in order to continue with your christian walk, but when you know someone well, you can see when they're struggling, and I could see that in Wae Jae.
But alas those times have passed, and call me selfish but I'm grateful for being able to have my buddy back.

Finally I get to the point which I intended to begin with. Wae Jae graduated yesterday with his Bachelor of Commerce.[see piccie] Luke and I sat in the scorching sun for 2 hours to watch him take the stage and shake some hands. His parents and Grandma had travelled over from Malaysia to attend and so I got to meet the people responsible for this funny little man. Wae Jae's mother was adorable, absolutely gorgeous and just incredibly lovely, we both whinged about having colds and shared some tissues and cough lollies. Luke and I got some piccies with the boy and then headed down the hill to leave the family to some hang-out time.



And so, early this morning Wae Jae and his family headed off to Sydney for a week, and it's in his absense that I'm realizing just how much I appreciate him. Already there's been a couple of things which I wanted to walk into his room and get the male perspective on...

HA!

I just got a text message from him asking me a question about what we were chatting about last night, he said that he needed the female perspective. Craziness!!

But yeah I guess the point that I'm getting to is that I don't want to take anyone for granted, I mean Wae Jaes only going to be gone for a week, but he doesn't know whether he'll stay here in Australia or head back to Malaysia. He's been talking about it all for a while, and I guess it's starting to hit home that if he does go somewhere else, I'm gonna miss him SO much! He's not just my friend, but he's become like a brother, he's like family and I love him so much!



So you oh faithful reader, don't take anyone for granted, use the time you have to tell them how much you love them and need them in your day. It's such an amazing thing to have the honour of being able to share life with such incredible people.
Thankyou for your friendship and your love, I appreciate you so sincerely.

Your sister always
Jess xoxo

Update...

Prac was definitely interesting. Well when I'm perdfectly honest, prac broke my heart.
There were so many children within that classroom that were just so broken, so shattered with life; divorce, domestic abuse, custody battles; had all taken their tole on this little stars. In a way, as I would watch these kids, when I had the opportunity to chat with them in the relaxed setting of the lunch seats it made me feel as though they'd almost had their innocence stolen from them. These were 8 year olds who had been forced to take their 4 year old sister to the car where they would sleep because dad was hitting mummy again; who weren't allowed to see dad anymore because he had tried to steal them from mummy; who often didn't bring lunch because their just wasn't enough food in the house that day.
More than anything else in this world I want to teach. I loved these kids that I had the honour of sharing 6 weeks with.
Yes it was tough, yes I still have so much to learn in order to be the best teacher I can be - but I wan't to be the best I can be, I want to try and make a difference in these kids lives, more than anything I want these kids to have the opportunity to just be kids.
So many of them had been forced by their homelives to become 'little-adults' and it broke my heart, when more than anything they just wanted to know the care-free spirit of a child.

The world has changed alot from when I was a kid - there are so many broken children, who grow up into rebellious teenagers and angry adults because the world has cheated them.

more than anything I just want to love them - if I can only change their days for those 6 hours they're at school, thats enough, thats something...
...
....but wow! did I love those kids, I cried on the last day as all the girls gave me tight cuddles, and the boys (little dudes) lingered near by not sure whether they were too cool for a hug. Till I bent down and said with a wink "I know guys hate this, but I reckon I could do with a hug, coz I'll miss you alot" They we're willing, and secretly I think they enjoyed it ;)

I saw one of the little guys, Koye , at vacation care and man-oh-man. My heart was huge! I was wearing the biggest grin when I saw him, and I remember thinking at the time 'if I had kids of my own this is what it would feel like'
it was one of 'my kids', well at least they felt like my own, and I just loved every one of them sooo sooo much.

I looking to head back and help out on the class at the end of this term, because I'm missing them so much.

All I can say is that God is so faithful and so good. I met with him each afternoon of prac. And he gave me rest, he filled me with strength and helped me step into each day with his power. It wasn't easy at the start of prac, but God was there and he saw me right through to the end.
He was my rock!
and I would have been a mess without him with me.

'Thankyou-for your faithfulness daddy, which sustains me each and every day.'

Long time no blog

So it's been quite a while since I've blogged, and alot has happened, alot of stretching ang growing and challenging has been taking place. Too much to go into too much detail right now. But I've been learning so very very much. Over the next few entries I hope to share with you some of the things that have been going on in Jezika's world.
I hope that I won't bore you, and I hope that I can be as honest about everything as possible.
But to give you a bit of an Update;

I finished prac, it was tough, alot of hurting kids there, and it broke my heart, it was hard work, really challenged me, but every kid was absoultely beautiful and I loved 'em to bits. It was sad to say goodbye.

A close family freinds of ours Lauchlan March, at the age of 22 died. It was devastating, absolutely heartbreaking. But he loved his God and he served him faithfully, and so in my heart I know that we will meet again.

I've been learning incredible things about Gods grace and faithfulness

I celebrated my 21st Birthday in fine style, with a return to childhood party, complete with kiddy party food and kiddy party games and music. I don't think it could have been better, musical chairs was an absolute riot and everyone made an effort with the costumes. We had school kids, Tigger, Nipper lifesavers, Barbie, Mr Squiggle, Imaginary friends, superhero's....absolute Gold! what a way to celebrate!