Saturday, December 31, 2005

New Day Coming...

check it out would you, I'm drinking beer. More to the point, I'm drinking Aussie beer, and it is not all that terrible.
My favourite aunt [Jan] popped open a bottle of wine with dinner and as it turns out it was only Dad, Jan and myself drinking it. We even had the classy bit down pat, using the champers glasses and all. Glorious night on the verandah. By the time the fireworks started I had already been thrust and half consumed at bottle of Tooheys 'PILS' - having too good a time chatting with my 7 year old cousin about how fireworks are created to really notice whether I was actually enjoying it or not. Man, what a truely amazing night. Beginning to feel a little tipsy and I'm fairly convinced that the beverages have kept me warmer outside.
So as I sit here and type this the whole swarm of family is heavily engaged in 'Batman Begins' waiting out for midnight. I figured since the net was already connected, before I disconnect for the final time this year, I'd pop on and say 'Farewell 2000 and 5, you have taught me alot. You have broken my heart and allowed me to heal. You have granted me wonderful friendship and I hope that you will allow me to carry them with me to the new year."

and to you who read this blog, thankyou for your loyalty. I am grateful for your friendship and encouragement. To you whom I have had the opportunity to build friendships with thatnkyou for your honesty and for your valuable communion with me. Some of you I have grown incredibly fond of over the last 6 months and I thankyou that you have allowed me to nurture that affection in your company.
I look forward to the new year. So charge your glasses and raise a beer to "Friendship and life...a brilliant combination"

Cheers!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Photogs [a dedication to friendship]

The tickets are booked...
Belle and I leave for Melbourne on the 13th of febuary and return to Newcastle on the 23rd of the same month. We weren't exactly sure whether we were going to make it this year, however having stumbled upon $78 return tickets with Jetstar, we decided that we would be fools to waste such opportunity.













Oh yes...
If you live in or near Melbourne then two goofey gals are heading your way...All I can say is, RUN!! Run while you still can!!



Oh! and if we're left alone in a room with a camera, then you'd better believe that we're going to go a little nuts.

I can't believe that it's been nearly one year since we were last in Melbourne. We've grown alot haven't we Belle. We've learnt alot about one another and as painful as that learning process was at the time, i honestly wouldn't take it back

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Rundown...

Christmas came and went, and we literally just arrived home from Sydney. I was so close to falling asleep in the car, and now having unpacked the car and settled back into my room, I'm once more awake.
Christmas involved Big lunches, great company and good laughs. It's a bit of a family tradition to meet up at my grandparents house for Christmas due to the fact that my extended rellies are spread all around the show. Grafton, Melbourne, Forster, Newcastle, Armidale, Sydney. Usually Christmas is the only time when we really get to hang out for a longish period...and it's fantastic!

This year however, was better than any I can remember for a long time, because I was able to chill with Katie for the last 4 days, which sadly is the the longest amount of time I've had with her in a long time.

I was that close to getting a tatoo with my girls Hayley and Belle last week. Though while in Miranda fair with kate I decided to get a piercing instead. It's fairly tame, not 'out there' at all really, but still It was something. Just one simple silver piercing, on the right ear, up the top.
Not a great piccie, but you can just make it out...

16 buxs all up, so I was cheering. Found out later I could have gotten my nose done at the same place. But I think that for now I'll spare myself. [my mum told me that nose piercings make her think of pigs...] but who knows it may be yet to come. Didn't hurt at the time, but right now it feels quite tender and I'm paranoid that someone [matt in particular] is going to bump into it [probably on purpose] I'll have to sleep on the left side...as it's really quite sore tonight. Ah well, I'll tough it out :p.

Kate and I stepped back into childhood as we shared the double bunk bed at Grandma's, we laughed well into the early hours of the morning, as she bounced my bed around by kicking my butt from underneath, and I repeatedly scared her by silently leaning down from the top bunk, to hang over her face and wait patiently till she opened her eyes...priceless.

But perhaps the most fun was found in my losing out on the pecking order, and having to turn out the light, and attempt to clamber onto the top bunk without a ladder or any form of light...was highly amusing, painful and messy. Particularly when I managed to tip a glass of water all over myself before the class fell and smacked my toe. The next morning I woke to the smell of damp carpet...oops, grandma loves her carpet, had to explain quick smart as she was already beginning to suspect that the cat may need a few more lessons with the litter tray. Oh but heaven! air conditioning in the bedroom, whoever invented that, I could kiss you! The weather was so sticky, very grateful to feel the relief, made sleeping a lot easier.

Dropped Kate back in Newcastle on our way home. Always realise just how much I miss her, once I've spent the time with her. Such a truely amazing woman! She believes the best of me...she makes me want to be the better person. She's my favourite shopping partner, as we both have this knack for being on the same wave-length. We both want to look in the same stores and we both bore of the same stores at the same time "...You done?" "Yup, lets go..."
It's a beautiful thing :p, not having to stand around tediously waiting for the other person to finish so you can finally go.
Got a bit emotional as I waved her off , was grateful that it was night - when I said "...love you" I heard her get a little choked up as she beamed "Love you too, Jessie"
"Please Lord, don't let it be another 6 months till I see this beautiful girl, I adore."

I'm beginning to read "The Problem with Pain" By C.S. Lewis...thoroughly enjoying it.

Tickling my creative muscle by working on Belles photo's, in preperation for her birthday in January.

[Belle post about your Party would ya]
I love a good dress-up bash...and Belles planning one for her 21st...The 80's, it's going to be fantastic. Kate and I were scouring the vinnies shops trying to scoop up some seriously happening [??] 80's frocks...
we're going all out Belle, this theme is an awesome idea!!! :D

I know, this post is painfully boring, but I had people asking me to summarise my weekend, and so here it is for all of you who cared, for the rest of you I apologise.

Friday, December 23, 2005

So I spent the last couple of days hanging out with Belle and Hayley [two of my favourite people in the whole world] and spending that time with these two beautiful ladies, more than anything just helped me realise, yet again, how truely blessed I am. May I also say that these two women are truely stylin' absolutelly, insanely funky little babes. They wouldn't believe me, but it's true!

Thursday saw Belle coming over to trash my place [So not...mum herself said that my rooms never been cleaner...Belle your a champ!] Belle ever so kindly humoured me as I pretended I was some sort of proffessional artist. The day entailed me doing hair and make-up followed by a bit of a photo shoot.

Your so beautiful Belle, don't ever believe otherwise!

I'm not a pro, AT ALL! but I'm happy with how they turned out.


just a taste...

I woudl say more...but alas, a big steak for dinner is calling...sounds very similar to my mothers voice...

I love my girls...I hope you both always know that :D


Wednesday, December 21, 2005

I got to thinking today about transparancy...

So I got to thinking today about transparancy. And I decided that people [myself included] spend too much time trying to display only those good qualities and hide their weaknesses.
Perhaps weaknesses is the wrong word, however for lack of a better I shall continue with it.

I have this theory. As difiicult and often awkward as it may be, I believe that if perhaps, I myself was more forthcoming with my own flaws then it would be my hope that people would feel less pressure to appear 'together' and as perfect as possible.

While I don't believe it is neccessary, or healthy to dwell on weakness, I do believe that in order to truely know one another, we sometimes need a dose of reality. I don't know about you, but I find such reality not only refreshing but unbelievably reassuring.

Agreed, not everyone needs, or should know your weaknesses, however those whom you desire sincere and genuine commune with, need to know them in order to know you. To know where you are and where you want to go.

You whom I have given this address, I trust, and I do desire sincere and genuine communion with. So with the hope of things to come I choose to allow myself to share with you some [as I'm sure there are more] of my weaknesses.
I will ever fight the urge to edit them to sound more like possible positives.

* I crave quality time with people. If I don't feel I am receiving enough then I can recoil, believing that it was my lackings which caused the failure. - causing me to crave their time even more than before.

*I can be selfish in my desire for self validation - often requiring too much of that from the people around me.

*I can be judgmental of people, based on limited understanding

*I'm incredibly self-concious about my appearance, often basing too much of my worth on it.

*I can be quite close minded on certain issues - generally the ones I'm passionate about [ I know, I said it myself "Lifes too short to be close minded..."]

*I pretend to know more about things than I actually do, in order to appear smarted, more interesting - thus linking to the shallow bit.

*I always get the role of the clown...sometimes I would just like to be the beautiful one...or the intelligent one...or the interesting one. I envy those who are remembered for those things.

*sometimes, because I willingly laugh at everything, people don't even know that they hurt me...and if they ask, often I'll just pretend I'm okay.

*I can be a pushover. When it comes to Authority figures like my boss, or lecturers...

*When meeting new people, as desperately as I desire to be myself, I rarely am.

* I care too much what people think of me when I barely know them, and I allow that to alter my behaviour. therefore limiting the possibility of them actually getting to know me.

* I claim that I'm SO content being single, that I could live this way forever. When the truth is that if tomorrow I was settlling down, to get married and do the kids thing, I'd be stoked, and so ready!

*Some mornings I wake up feeling desperate, wondering what the hell I'm going to do for the rest of my life. wondering if I really want to teach, or if I've wasted the last 3 years.

* Too often I get caught up in lustful thoughts/desires, too often I swear.

--------------------


But I love my God more than anything...I know that everyday I have to choose to live for him. And every time I ask for his forgiveness it's granted no questions asked. That list makes me sound as though I'm completely self concious barely able to look people in the eye, or ever able to say what I mean. I guess the truth of the matter is, that's the Jess I wrestle with everyday. Some days I'm so far from being that person. Yet it's always too easy to become her. I trust that the longer and more faithfully I walk in sync with Christ, the more he will develop my character and views. But I think that I will always have to fight off these ugly character traits, and choose to be a better person than that. Because sometimes it comes too easily, and thats definitely not an attractive thing.
I just hope that you can love me anyway.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Traditions.

I've been thinking recently about Christmas traditions. Those things that we 'just do' at Christmas time, maybe unlike me you do know why you do them. However upon pondering it I realised that we've always had a Christmas tree in our house, yet when I asked my family what was the reason for the christmas tree no one could tell me for certain.
And so I decided that doing something merely because it has always been done, really didn't cut it for me.
So I set myself a little task, to uncover some christmas traditions...and you, my lucky reader will reap the benefits of my research [thats if you haven't already researched such things yourself]

The Christmas Tree.
From the eleventh century, religious plays called "mystery plays" became quite popular throughout Europe. These plays were performed outdoors and in churches. One of the most prevalent of these plays was the "Paradise play." The play depicted the story of the creation of Adam and Eve, their sin, and their banishment from Paradise. The play would end with the promise of the coming Savior and His Incarnation (cf. Gen. 3:15). The Paradise play was simple by today's standards. The only prop on stage was the "Paradise tree," a fir tree adorned with apples. From this tree, at the appropriate time in the play, Eve would take the fruit, eat it, and give it to Adam.
Because of abuses that crept into the mystery plays (i.e., immoral behavior), the Church forbade these plays during the fifteenth century. The people had grown so accustomed to the Paradise tree, however, that they began putting their own Paradise tree up in their homes on Dec. 24. They did so on Dec. 24 because this was the feast day of Adam and Eve (at least in the Eastern Church). The Paradise tree, as it had in the Paradise plays, symbolized both a tree of sin and a tree of life. For this reason, the people would decorate these trees with apples (representing the fruit of sin) and homemade wafers (like communion wafers which represented the fruit of life). Later, candy and sweets were added.
Another custom was to be found in the homes of Christians on Dec. 24 since the late Middle Ages. A large candle called the "Christmas light," symbolizing Christ who is the light of the world, was lit on Christmas Eve. In western Germany, many smaller candles were set upon a wooden pyramid and lit. Besides the candles, other objects such as glass balls, tinsel, and the "star of Bethlehem" were placed on its top.
Though we cannot be certain, it seems highly likely that the first Christmas trees that appeared in Germany in the early sixteenth century were descendants of both of these customs: the Paradise tree and the Christmas pyramids and lights. The Paradise tree became our Christmas tree. Decorations that had been placed on the pyramids were transferred to the Christmas tree.
For many Christians the Christmas tree still retains the symbolism of the Paradise tree. The tree reminds us of the tree in Eden by which Adam and Eve were overcome and which thrust them into sin. But more importantly, the tree reminds us of the tree by which our sin was overcome, namely the tree upon which Christ Jesus was crucified. Is it a stretch to refer to the cross as a tree? Hardly, for this is the language of the New Testament itself! For example, Paul writes in Galatians 3:13, "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree" (quoting Deut. 21:23). And Peter writes, "He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed." Therefore, the Christmas tree is a wonderful symbol and reminder of our salvation and forgiveness through Jesus Christ!

Thanks to Pastor Richard Bucher for helping us understand the origin of the christmas tree, I don't think I ever realised the wonderful picture it represents. A reminder of our redemption through Jesus Christ. The tree; The same bearer of the fruit - our fall, lead to our salvation- the cross ~ Gods one awesome bloke hey. Beauty from Ashes, all the way.

I'll never look at my christmas tree the same again. This is perhaps the only research I can honestly say I've ever enjoyed.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Times they are a'changing

The weekend came and went, and as I sit here fingers chatting, softly on the keyboard, it seems almost ironic that the opening strains of Bob Dylans "Times they are a'changing" would begin.

Saturday saw Mum, dad and myself heading to Newcastle to visit Kate. I knew from the beginning that it wasn't going to be a particularly pleasant trip, thus why I chose to go anway. Mum and Kate have very similar personality traits and I could see yelling and crying as being very real possibilities. And as it turned out, my expectations were right on target. So why was I there? I guess I've always had this knack for mediating between Kate and mum, I don't want to see either get hurt by the harsh, blunt emotional-heat-of-the-moment words thrown by the other. As unpleasant as it was, I wanted to be there, and I'm glad I was...because I do believe that I served my purpose.

I suppose that I should explain, I know that I don't have to, I know that it probably isn't even necessary. But this blog is more than me merely sharing whats happening in my life, it's purpose for myself personally runs alot deeper than that. And so I explain for myself as much as for your own clarification.

It came to light around 8 weeks ago, when Kates real estate agent made contact with my dad, that it seemed Kate wasn't paying her rent. Upon talking to Kate she insisted that she has been paying her rent, through her swipe card at the post office.

My dad held off telling my mum, for at least 4 of those weeks. Believe me if you know my mother, then you would understand. She gets stressed and worries profusely about things like this. Well, basically anything to do with her family, and while it's nice to know that she cares, it makes her vitually impossible to live with.

Not knowing exactly what was going on himself, dad decided to hold off telling mum untill he knew more.

More time passed, Kate claimed she was still paying the rent, the real estate agent claimed that they still had not recieved anything. Till one weekend, last weekend, they rang to say they had recieved one. To which Kate was able to produce a coinciding receipt for. She was unable to provide receipts for any of these other transactions.

owing in excess of $1800, she should have been evicted by now...she's been pretty blessed that she hasn't.

Thus mum was told, and the trip to Newcastle followed.

...

I don't really know what to say.

I love Kate with everything, she's my soul-mate, my best friend and I would hope that we share an entirely honest relationship. She maintained that she had paid the rent, she had an answer for everything.
But is it wrong to say that for some of her explanations alarm bells rang...some just did not line up with what could be fact.
I don't really have the energy to explain all the other issues which were stirring within the whole ordeal.

But when it comes down to it, I'm scared that mum and dad have lost a level of their belief in Kate. They are beginning to believe that she is and has been lying to them for some time...and what worries me the most is that she's been lying to me to.
But call me naive I want to believe her, and I choose to. I don't want to not and then find out she was telling the truth all along...what a betrayal.
And what if I find out that she has been lying? well then yes, there will be a level of betrayal there, but I can live with that, I can live with being betrayed, I just don't think I could live with betraying another whom I love. I would rather be naive and believe the best of her...I love her, how can I do anything else?

The dynamic in our family has changed and it saddens me. While I claim to embrace change and opportunity, the truth is I can be quite set in my ways. While there are indeed area's of my life where I do embrace the unknown, when it comes to things like my family...I'm not eager at all to let go of what has been so precious to me.

Just now as I sit here I glanced at the wall with all our family photo's from a year ago, right back to when Kate and I were around 5. Oh how simple everything was back then, and the saddest thing of all is that we never even knew how good it was...untill we end up here. Miles apart, missing her like crazy and wanting so desperately to be there for her. She's hurting, I know she's hurting.
She knows mum and dad doubt her, and that breaks her heart. To be perfectly honest I just don't know...The person I see when I visit isn't Kate, she's changed, the hairs grown, the colours changed, she's older, more mature than I remember. But then she opens her heart and we commune as we did, as sisters as friends, and a love flows between us which is so sincere, and I know her again, she still is exactly who I knew her to be. A little wiser, definitely more beautiful...but all the same, it's all Katie.

My love for her will never die, I will love her forever.
I don't know what I would do if I didn't...I just couldn't not.
And it's as simple as that!

Everythings going to be okay. God's got it in his hands. Everything will come out as it is soon enough. And I trust that Katies world is exactly as she stated it to be.

goodnight.


Kate & Jez :

Laughing it up. The way I'll always remember her; my partner in crime.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Even signed it...

Farewell lazy days in the sun, paintbrush in hand an entire wall as my canvas.
I finally finished the deck at my parents house. For the last 6 months this has been my creative outlet while I'm home. I took responsibility for the rainforest, while my mum did the ocean scape. [and she still says that she's not artistic!]
It's been incredible fun. What am I going to do with my free time now? looks like I'll need a new creative outlet.

P.S. I can't wait till I have my own place. I'd love to have feature walls all through the house.



Questions...

what effect does image have?
As desperately as we claim...appearance really doesn't matter, it's whats on the inside, the person which truely counts.

Have you ever heard someone tell you that you look amazing, and felt over the moon?
Have you ever had that same person tell you, the following day that your not looking so flash?
Have you then felt the sting as the once enjoyable conversation which bounced back and forth between you, is replaced by silence?

when do you truely stop caring?
When do you say..."I don't want to be remembered for my face, I want to be remembered for my heart, my compassion, my spirit, my joy, my passion?"
When do you stop listening to the shallowness of the world, stop defining yourself by their standards and start taken hold of the things which God has said about you?

"Your vibrant beauty has gotten inside us - you've been so good to us! We're walking on air!" Psalm 89:17

Is not God the most beautiful thing we will ever know? Is he not the only beautiful thing worth knowing?

"He wraps you in goodness - beauty eternal. He renews your youth - you're always young in his presence." Psalm 103:5

Is it not better to be thought Beautiful always in the presence of the one who is beautiful?
How can mans opinion possibly compare to the opinion of God?

Can you possibly still yourself enough to hear what God has to say about you if you do not choose to walk in fellowship with him daily?
Does it not make sense that you would doubt your worth if you've allowed a divide to form between yourself and the one who will validate your life with his truth?


So again I ask. When will you choose to value the opinion of God over the opinion of man?
On sunday morning when you go out the front for prayer?
Or will you begin to allow God to override those insecurities which plague you, today?
Will you choose to share your life as worship to your God?


There will never be another today.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Education.

A friend of mine posted this, I wanted to share it here. I'm not sure how long I'll leave it up...but I found it to be of interest.

"Although there are many misconceptions about the origins of the English word 'fuck', the actual root is derived from the German word 'fokka', which means literally 'to thrust with a sword'. The word is believed to have been adopted by the Anglo-Saxons of the British Isles during medieval times. German raiding parties would invade villages, pillaging and murdering as they went.

The Germans were especially gruesome towards women, many of which were raped with swords as a graphic statement about German brutality. Hence the English adopted the German 'fokka' as an extreme and offensive threat, and so we have come to understand the meaning of the modern word 'fuck'."

What does the Bible say about the "F-word"?Ephesians 5:1 "Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; 4 neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks."

Monday, December 12, 2005

Reflection...

I miss him...

As I unpacked the christmas tree from its box, and began to untangle the tinsel from its muddled mess, my eyes fell upon a christmas card resting neatly on the bottom of the box, obviously from the Christmas before. I gently opened it and began to read, and there at the bottom of the page in scrawly black ink, "Fondest wishes, Jillian, Peter, Teagan, Brayden and Lauchlan."
Sitting cross legged on the floor, I closed the card and just sat staring into space for a few minutes. Untill my small trance was broken by my Mum coming up the stairs and extending my guitar towards me, "Do something with this would you Jess" She mumbled...she wandered off, and again I was left in my quiet solitude, guitar resting across my lap, the glow of twilight softly flooding the room.

It has been nearly 3 months since Lauchie departed from this place, and as Christmas slowly approaches my heart bleeds for his family. As they glance at the unoccupied seat which Lauchlan once rested within, as they wait for the unyielding heckling of the foods quality which will never come, at least during this lifetime. Lauchie has left a big hole in the hearts of everyone who knew him.

I admired his patience as he taught me the fundamentals of guitar...5 second breaks between chord changes, he never sighed loudly or made fun of me, he would have made a fine teacher. Thats if he hadn't ardently believed that unless you were studying Mathematics or the sciences then you were a bludger, through and through.
He never seemed to tire of reminding me that Primary Education students where the laziest people at university...that is untill he dated one, he never gave me a hard time after that. As my guitar lessons with Lauchie reached the one year mark, my pride blossomed as it no longer took 5 seconds to find the next chord. I remember the joy of Jamming along to "Wish you were Here" By Pink Floyd...I would strum the basics while Lauch would do the fancy plucky stuff...thanks for making me feel part of the band Lauchster. One thing I will always carry with me, is the day after many a practice that Lauchie asked me to play a song, it was his birthday..."Play me a song Jess, whatever you like that can be my present...dedicate it to me" I remember playing a nervous fumbling of "Bad Moon arising" Lauchie gave me a standing ovation anyway.

But perhaps the fondest memories of Lauch that I will carry forever, are our 'wiper wars'.
For some reason unbeknownst to me he became convinced that it was me who insisted on standing his windscreen wipers up whenever I walked past his car in the college carpark. For the record, it wasn't me but after a while it became easier to just claim the annoying behaviour as my own. And not too long after that my own windscreen wipers began to be found, standing on end. This game extended beyond merely college carparks. If we were in town and discovered the targets car, we would rush in and complete the deed [it of course did not count unless you were able to complete the task undetected].
I miss our games. I miss his sarcasm, I miss his charm. I miss my brother.

Through the pain of remembering him, there is joy and there is peace. In a way I envy him, because I know that he has reached paradise. For he knew Christ and he served him faithfully as he walked this earth. I imagine him walking the golden streets of heaven, with the divine aroma flooding his nostrils, the burdens of life no longer bringing his shoulders to a slouch. There is a spring in his step as he walks in sync with Christ, discussing the mathematics of the universe, drinking deeply from the spirit as his soul soars into eternity.

I will see him again...

And so, as I sat cross legged on the floor, surrounded by the christmas tree and the knotted mess of tinsel, I raised the guitar onto my lap, gentle stroked the strings to test the tuning...and finally with a soft smile gently raising my cheeks I whispered "This is for you Lauchie" and strummed out the chorus of "Bad moon arising" I wonder if he would have given me a standing ovation this time? I hope I made him proud.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Thinking out loud...

Bee and Katie...
I miss hanging out with the 2 of you even more than you know!

I Love you.

Taking the tests...

Wanna know more about me...well I took the tests, and apparantly this is me.

Jez, you're an Observer!

That means you're one of the more kind-hearted people around. You are unusually intuitive, and you probably understand yourself, as well as others. That also means you're a good mediator — though you may prefer to spend more quiet time on your own than most.

Because of the self-knowledge you already possess, you are better equipped than many to steer your life in the right direction. Understanding more about the components of your personality will reveal unique information that even people like you might not realize. And the better you know yourself, the more confident you'll be making decisions that affect your life.


Jez, your sense of humor is Goofy Humor

You have your standards: They may be low, but at least you have them. Sure, subtle wit makes some people grin and say, "Now that's funny." But you know the Three Stooges makes people howl with laughter. It's the physical stuff, the poop jokes and funny voices, that get you going because you have a goofy sense of humor. You have no problem making a fool of yourself as long as your moves to "fake" a fall break the ice and make people feel comfortable.

Wit, sarcasm, and satire can get lost in the translation, but a whoopee cushion is universal. Yes, it may be lowbrow — heck, it may even be nobrow, but getting laughs is what matters to you. From ye old court jesters to the kids of South Park, you and your goofy sense of humor are in good company.


Jez, The Boy Next Door is the man of your dreams

The guy next door can be a lot more than the kid who played a great game of tag and buried you in snowballs. He can be the man of your dreams. A laidback and fun girl like you doesn't need a glass slipper or fancy jewels — you just want a guy who knows how to have a good time and has a handle on what's important.

You're the kind of girl who wants to marry her best friend, so you might not have to look far for the perfect guy for you. Whoever said you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince wasn't talking about you. Tag — you're it!






Jez, your trademark tune is Kelly Clarkson's "Miss Independent"

Wild and crazy may not always be the way you go, but it's usually how you have the most fun. You don't have to follow the paved road since you'd probably rather forge your own trail anyway. Whether or not anyone can follow in your adventurous shoes is another matter.

Miss independent, miss self-sufficient. A free spirit like you goes your own way. We doubt you waste much time worrying what anyone else thinks. So whether you'll be happiest skydiving, joining the Peace Corps, or just shaking things up at home, we know you'll inspire others along the way. Now that's wild!


Jez, you're a Sympathetic Sidekick

No one ever accused you of not having a soft side. And that's why friends flock to your sympathetic ear and well-thought-out advice. You are tuned in to the world around you, and you are always looking for ways to bring people together and enjoy each other's company.

While some people might have one or two close friends, you like to spread your wings and socialize with any number of people. You are open-hearted and free-spirited, making it easy for you to find common ground with anyone you meet. Keep up the good work — everyone could use a friend like you.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Hmm...

Got woken up early this morning by my dad. He had to head to work at 6:30 am so he wouldn't be able to walk the Dogs with Mum and since I know mum prefers company, I offered my services.
It was nice being up at that time of the morning, wandering about the streets while the grass was still moist and the roads were empty.
Got home at around 7:15am headed to the Bathroom and as I washed my hands a familiar song came on the radio which I started to sing along to, U2's "Still haven't found what I'm looking for" as I concluded the chorus I added my own line,
"I Have, it's Jesus"
to which I grinned broadly at myself in the mirror. Then a response flooded my head
"Then start living like you found him"
needless to say it shocked me, it was still early and my eyes had barely even woken, the sleep was still nestled in the corners of my eyes, I wiped a tear before it fell. I couldn't remember the last time God had been so blunt with me and at first I was hurt, really hurt.

'There is no condemnation for those of us who are in Christ Jesus' I remembered that not long after I started my pity Party.

I crawled back into bed and curled myself up in the foetal position and just cried quietly to myself.
In retrospect I realize that I was probably being a little too emotional but this was one of those occasions when you know that your way off track, but you can't [or won't] change until someone actually confronts you and suddenly you see everything for what it actually is.

This was my moment.

As I just lay there staring up, watching the shadows of the fan blades dance across my ceiling, I remembered back 2 years. To a time when I was so desperately lost in a relationship doomed, yet like a hopeless Junkie, I was addicted and I couldn't shake my yearnings and cravings for intimacy.

Untill I realized that God loved me enough, that he sent my bro, Matt back to get me.

-------------------

A lot has changed in my life over the last 2 years. You know I realized that I've been single for 2 whole years. What a wonderful thing.

things are going to change. God wants things to change. I'm at a milestone.

3 years ago I was deciding where I was going to move away to, my first big move out of home. At that time, it was huge.

And now, here I nearly find myself again. Where to after Uni, Armidale? Newcastle?
Forster? or head South? A friend of mine has been speaking of teaching positions in Melbourne/Ballarat...

Who knows?! Coz I sure don't.

I don't know where I'll go.

God does, I know he does, and in time he'll reveal that to me, I trust him to do that in his time, the perfect time.

But alas. I am not going to alow myself to get stressed about it all. Uni is over for another year, it's time to enjoy my holidays and all my free time which comes with them.

Bless you!