It seems that a few memes have been passed around the wonderful world of the internet, and thus far I have successfully managed to evade them. Tonight however I noticed that I had been tagged by a certain friend [You know who you are *insert death stare* :P ] and I feel in the right sort of mood to oblige, so here goes...
Obsessions
1) When I was 12 I went to the proper dentist [up until 12 we used to go to the free kids dentist] and discovered that I had 3 deep and long exsisting [he said they were started years ago] cavaties (sp?) I got all three fillings without 'the needle' and since then I have to brush my teeth for at least 4 minutes everytime I brush[usually twice a day]. I realise that it's a healthy obsession as I should be brushing well...but it has to be 4 minutes which means I find myself unable to do the quick brush and dash if I'm in a rush.
2) I worry about having hangers or crud on my face. I'll often ask friends or family "Have I got a hanger" then twist my head about so they can have a good gander. I've seen so many people who have stuff on their face, or a hanger waving from their nostril with each breath and no ones told them. I hate the feeling of 'feeling' something but not being able to get it off, usually only to ask someone and they tell me they can't see anything.
3) Slurpies...enough said
4) If I ever find myself bored or lacking brain power I find that I tend to count. Often without realising. For example, the other day I decided as exercise, I would grab a skipping rope and do that for 15-20 minutes. Before too long I was counting every skip i did. I'll count the number of people in a room, how many have blonde/brown/red/black/no hair, how many are male/female, how many look as bored as I feel. I'll lock in on something, someone is doing and count how many times they repeat that particular gesture/movement. When walking on a footpath I'll count how many normal steps I can fit within each square of concrete before stepping into the next. when driving, I'll use signs or barriers or other vehicles and count how many seconds between me seeing them, and passing them....I'm sure i do more when I'm bored that I haven't even really noticed yet. ;)
Can't really think of anything else right this second - I'm sure there's more things...theres got to be, if I think of them I may add them.
And now, I tag Belle, Fless and Burkie
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Graduation anyone?!
Is it just me or is it weird the way one piece of paper can represent 4 years of long hard work?!
We were given the instructions that when we go up to receive our degree it's customery to acknowledge the Dean of the University by either bowing, curtsying or touching your trencher [hat] I told Bec the safest bet would be to do all three, but she retorted with, "Nah, I reckon I'll wave, wink and blow him a few kisses".
The whole ceremony lasted about 2 hours, after which we wandered about getting piccies and catching up with all the people we haven't seen in yonks! it was great.
Eventually Tim gave me a call, which only aided in me missing him more before letting us know Alex wanted to catch up, so if we popped past his flat in the next 10 minutes or so, he can let us in through the security door.
It helped me to appreciate Tim even more, with the reminder that he is a rock in my life and I know that I can count on him through anything. I actually got a little teary throughout the course of the night wishing that he could have been there, coz as sappy as it sounds a hug would have made the difference. But My girls, Kate and Rea were with me and I love that we ended the night with a group hug and some 'love you's' - these are some of the most amazing girls I know and I do love them ridiculously.
So at 10am Saturday we headed back to Forster, knackered after only having 3 hours sleep...but we were chipper and enjoyed each others company. These girls are amazing, kate and rea. We all realised we were tired so nobody got snappy or short with anyone, we just enjoyed the groggy company of one another before falling asleep all over each other in the back seat, waking at nabiac where we voted in the state election, then met Rea's dad and she headed home.
Barring the 2 hours of emotional chaos we had a great time over the weekend. The big dissapointment was that with the move to stay across town it meant I didn't get to catch up with Rhen before her graduation from Nursing. I was looking forward to that, but all the drama made it incredibly difficult. I do hope that I will be able to see her soon.
What a weekend...chaotic fun.
I graduated on Friday. Finally it all became official.
I caught the plane back from Melbourne on Wednesday, landing in Newcastle. Mum made the treck down to pick me up and then we headed out to lunch with Matty. Sadly Timmy had to work and so couldn't arrange to be at my Grad - so I've left him for a week while I head to Mum and Dads.
Thursday was spent bumming around being useless and then on Friday we were up at 5am and on the road by 6 - picking up Rea along the way, with a loaded car chatting excitedly, which is slightly surprising considering how most of us handle early starts.
We arrived in Armidale at about 9:30am and I spend the next half hour wandering about registering and picking up my academic dress. By 10am we were seated and the show was ready to roll.
[can you spot me?]
rather than graduating under her maiden name as I thought she would, Bec was doing the whole shebang under her married name, which meant she was seated one person away from me -fan-freaking-fantastic!!
We were given the instructions that when we go up to receive our degree it's customery to acknowledge the Dean of the University by either bowing, curtsying or touching your trencher [hat] I told Bec the safest bet would be to do all three, but she retorted with, "Nah, I reckon I'll wave, wink and blow him a few kisses".
The whole ceremony lasted about 2 hours, after which we wandered about getting piccies and catching up with all the people we haven't seen in yonks! it was great.
By about 1pm our little mob was left with Mum, Dad, Kate, Rea, Felicity, laura and myself, so we headed over to the St Kilda for lunch.
After lunch as we were wandering down the street, and passing the White Bull Pub I spotted Bec and Trev, Rissa and Paul lounging around all over the Sofa's, so I popped in and spent the next 1/2 hour having a good 'ole chin-wag, I've missed my girls alot.
The afternoon was spend lounging around laura's room, before we grabbed a shower at Mary White College, which turned out more interesting than we planned. Laura didn't have any spare towels, so Rea and I ended up using our worn clothes to dry ourselves before changing into our new stuff...grotty eh! but we really had no other options...so instead we laughed about it.
[with fless and waje]
Had to wait for a bus to get into town, before meeting Waje and Fless for dinner. Had a great time carrying on and laughing as waje knicked my slushi and used it as a topping for his fries.
Eventually Tim gave me a call, which only aided in me missing him more before letting us know Alex wanted to catch up, so if we popped past his flat in the next 10 minutes or so, he can let us in through the security door.
We took him up on his offer. Was sad to leave Fless and Waje I do miss them alot, though they've been invited to visit in Melbourne and I do hope that at some point they take me up on the offer.
At Alex's place, Alex and Dan were being nerds on the computer, but stopped to humour us with conversation, before grabbing a deck of cards for us. We then spent the next hour or so playing 'loser' before suzii arrived in the flat and proceeded to teach us a newbie game, which while conplicated to begin with, actually eventually made a lot of sense.
The plan was to head to the Newie, but after hanging around the flat just goofing off and enjoying each others company, Rea Kate and I soon became pretty happy to just hang around the flat. We had been hoping to catch up with Timmi at the Newie but he had rung and cancelled because he had to work late and was buggered. Laura wanted to head out and was becoming increasingly more abrupt as time went on, at one point even stating "Look, I'm going to make a threat, either we leave for the Newie now, or you guys sleep outside for the night"...it didn't go down well with us and we quickly told her that if she wanted us to actually come out with her then using threats like that really doesn't fly well. Either your allowing us to crash at your place or your not. We don't like to be bullied. Since she wanted us to come out we agreed and decided to make the most of it -hitting the dance floor as soon as we got in.
I don't know what was going on with laura that night, she must have had more issues to handle than I knew because she became more and more cranky as the night progressed.
By about 2am we were all pretty knackered and ready to head home having been up since 5 that morning. After making such a huge deal about us coming with her, we lost Laura more times than we can count, at one point she was gone for so long we actually thought she may have left us there and gone somewhere else [she's been known to abruptly leave clubs before] Eventually we managed to track her down on the verandah with this 'Ben' we had heard her spak of quite a bit that day. For the next half hour or so , we hit emotional chaos. Laura didn't want to go home. We suggested that we take the keys and swipe card and head to bed and then when she arrived she could ring her room phone and we'd let her in. She forgot her swipe card rendering that idea useless. plus she didn't want to leave. She was really pushing the fact that we were her guest so we should comply with her plans and since hers were to stay then we should just handle it. We were exhausted, we were all in high heels and our feet cained...we just wanted to go to bed we were trying to explain that by going home we really weren't hindering her plans, we hadn't seen much of her since entering the newie anyway, it would just mean she'd just prank us when she arrives. Loz really couldn't see our side. We didn't want to ruin her night, we just knew when it was time to end ours, didn't mean hers needed to be over. But the conversation just dragged on and on with me feeling increasingly more and more dissapointed that such a little part of the night was engulfing so much of it. Honestly I was dissapointed that Laura couldn't see we were exhausted and just allow us the freedom of going to bed. We hated that she was using her room as the carrot in front of the donkey - leading us on and making us jump through hoops, "Do you want to stay at my place or not?!"
I think Lauras dilemma was whether to come home with us, or hang out with the boy. It hurt that the decision seemed so difficult. We weren't banning her from seeing him, we would be gone the following morning and she wouldn't be 'put out' as she put it anymore
At some point Laura actually told us that we should have probably just planned to stay with someone else who we wouldn't be putting out. Ouch
So the three of us were at the end of the line and just decided, Okay we will. There was definitely tension and we decided that it would be better for everyone if we just left. The drama was too much.
We didn't really know exactly where we should go, so I rang the person in Armidale who I thought could very possibly still be awake and not mind us crashing their place, Suzii. She is such a champion, she sounded like we'd woken her when she answered the phone, but she was lovely none the less. I felt terrible. But as Rea put it, we didn't have a clue where we were going to go and if Suzii hadn't of answered we all would probably have collapsed in a blubbering mess. Praise God, she picked up the phone!! :D So we caught the bus to Mary White, picked up all our stuff, then caught a taxi [Rea trying to chat up the driver] over to Suzii, Alex and Melinda's place, and Suzii let us through the security door.
The image was actually quite ammusing. The three of us trudging down the street with masses of bags, pillows and sleeping bags. Rea hated it, vocalising it with "I feel like I'm homeless wandering the streets with everything I own".
A 40-something year old bloke tried to crack onto the 3 of us as we wandered the street with all our stuff with;
Bloke:"Oy, where you lovely ladies going with all that stuff?"
Rea: "We're moving - outta our old house and into the new"
Bloke: "moving?! at this time of night?"
Jess: "Yep, got evicted"
and on we walked, he tried but he caught us at the wrong end of the night -well, lets be honest...none of us were ever going to go there no matter how good our night could have been ;)
I think all 3 of us sighed as we walked through the door - the drama was over. The incredible thing was, as tired as suzii was she never stopped shining her beautiful smile and made us feel so welcome in her home. She's amazing.
The irony was that after all the drama and stress of moving and adjusting to life in Melbourne I honestly thought that the night would be a night of zero stress, just hanging out and enjoying the company of friends and instead it turned into this mess of a night.
Though, as in all difficult circumstances, you see the positives. Kate, Rea and I stuck together, no matter how stressed or irritated we got we continued to support and uphold each other and I felt the love of their friendship.
It helped me to appreciate Tim even more, with the reminder that he is a rock in my life and I know that I can count on him through anything. I actually got a little teary throughout the course of the night wishing that he could have been there, coz as sappy as it sounds a hug would have made the difference. But My girls, Kate and Rea were with me and I love that we ended the night with a group hug and some 'love you's' - these are some of the most amazing girls I know and I do love them ridiculously.
I will chat to laura soon and we'll sort through some things. I think that I was just really dissapointed - I still love her, she's my sister - but even the best of us hurt each other sometimes it's the nature of being human. Only Gods ways are perfect and he came through for us friday night/saturday morning he put a new roof over our head I thank him desperately for the incredible friendships he has granted me in this life.
Suzii headed to work on Saturday, while grabbing breakfast we bought some flowers for suzii and Cadbury Creme eggs for the rest of the flat to say thanks for taking care of us and letting us crash there. Even though Alex had no idea we stayed the night, he had still let us crash 'boys night' with Dan and we wanted the whole flat to know we appreciated their hospitality intentional or not ;)
So at 10am Saturday we headed back to Forster, knackered after only having 3 hours sleep...but we were chipper and enjoyed each others company. These girls are amazing, kate and rea. We all realised we were tired so nobody got snappy or short with anyone, we just enjoyed the groggy company of one another before falling asleep all over each other in the back seat, waking at nabiac where we voted in the state election, then met Rea's dad and she headed home.
Barring the 2 hours of emotional chaos we had a great time over the weekend. The big dissapointment was that with the move to stay across town it meant I didn't get to catch up with Rhen before her graduation from Nursing. I was looking forward to that, but all the drama made it incredibly difficult. I do hope that I will be able to see her soon.
What a weekend...chaotic fun.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Let the Tears flow.
Today marks exactly one week in Melbourne. To date I have applied for 11 teaching positions and received 2 -"... We appreciate your application however must inform you that you have not been successful..." rejections.
I'm struggling a little bit.
I'm trying to stay as positive as possible, continuing to believe that there IS a job out there for me. I realise that things like this take time, but I'm really finding it hard to not feel useless and as though I'm an utter bum.
Prayer.
Thats what I want to ask for.
If anyone who reads this, whether you know me, well or not so well, heck even if you don't know me at all, if you happened to stumble across this blog and just stopped for a bit of a potter.
Prayer.
Thats what I want to ask for.
That I would remain steadfast in my faith and my trust in God and his divine timing. That I would not allow my self worth to be erroded during this time of searching. That I would find peace and hope and joy in every day that I am here.
I realise that life IS an adventure and I am so glad to be doing it with God and Tim and all of you standing beside me and encouraging me. I thank you sincerely, right from the heart.
Life is definitely different here in Melbourne. I've managed to get lost driving around the city - so many times I am beginning to lose count, however I am convinced that if forced, I could still count the number of times on two hands.
Isn't it funny the way loss of control forces you to draw closer to God. Ideally we should never draw away from him, but when I am transparantly honest the truth is I do. I become proud in my own capabilities and relly on my self more and push God further back as I work through life. He's always there, but sometimes I try to walk ahead of him, I try to do the leading...I end up lost and then turn to him for help, only to realise that he's walked the path before me, the path I now tread.
At one point I ended up completely lost, my mobile had no reception so I couldn't ring and ask Tim for directions. It was 11pm at night, I was tired and exhausted and pretty soon I could feel the hot tears streaming my cheeks.
I was giving myself such a hard time for being "So Stupid!" and then like a hailstorm I felt God fall hard and before I knew it I was sobbing uncontrollably.
I had been so stressed, yet in my attempts to 'keep it all together' I'd failed to really allow myself to feel validated in my angst and nervousness.
Can I just say that after a couple of minutes I wiped the last of the tears, sat up took a couple of deep breathes, restarted the car and felt SOOOO much better.
I will never underestimate the healing capabilities of a good cry.
I'm struggling a little bit.I'm trying to stay as positive as possible, continuing to believe that there IS a job out there for me. I realise that things like this take time, but I'm really finding it hard to not feel useless and as though I'm an utter bum.
Prayer.
Thats what I want to ask for.
If anyone who reads this, whether you know me, well or not so well, heck even if you don't know me at all, if you happened to stumble across this blog and just stopped for a bit of a potter.
Prayer.
Thats what I want to ask for.
That I would remain steadfast in my faith and my trust in God and his divine timing. That I would not allow my self worth to be erroded during this time of searching. That I would find peace and hope and joy in every day that I am here.I realise that life IS an adventure and I am so glad to be doing it with God and Tim and all of you standing beside me and encouraging me. I thank you sincerely, right from the heart.
Life is definitely different here in Melbourne. I've managed to get lost driving around the city - so many times I am beginning to lose count, however I am convinced that if forced, I could still count the number of times on two hands.
Isn't it funny the way loss of control forces you to draw closer to God. Ideally we should never draw away from him, but when I am transparantly honest the truth is I do. I become proud in my own capabilities and relly on my self more and push God further back as I work through life. He's always there, but sometimes I try to walk ahead of him, I try to do the leading...I end up lost and then turn to him for help, only to realise that he's walked the path before me, the path I now tread.
At one point I ended up completely lost, my mobile had no reception so I couldn't ring and ask Tim for directions. It was 11pm at night, I was tired and exhausted and pretty soon I could feel the hot tears streaming my cheeks.
I was giving myself such a hard time for being "So Stupid!" and then like a hailstorm I felt God fall hard and before I knew it I was sobbing uncontrollably.
I had been so stressed, yet in my attempts to 'keep it all together' I'd failed to really allow myself to feel validated in my angst and nervousness.Can I just say that after a couple of minutes I wiped the last of the tears, sat up took a couple of deep breathes, restarted the car and felt SOOOO much better.
I will never underestimate the healing capabilities of a good cry.
More than anything else I felt God speak this to my spirit;
"Your in a completely new place, it's a stressful time, but I'm here and I've got you.
Don't give yourself such a hard time, take a chill pill girl [yep Gods become a funky americal black woman ;)] Don't expect to get everything right first time everytime. Allow yourself time. Be kinder to yourself, after all if you were perfect, how boring would your life be - I made this adventure for you,...embrace the adventure, enjoy it!"
I chucked a U'ie dropped the pride, stopped into a service station and asked for directions. Pretty soon I was back on track and made it home.
so, just so you know. I don't have it all together just yet. I'm still feeling a little stressy and nervous about the job front, about the living in a new city front.
"Your in a completely new place, it's a stressful time, but I'm here and I've got you.
Don't give yourself such a hard time, take a chill pill girl [yep Gods become a funky americal black woman ;)] Don't expect to get everything right first time everytime. Allow yourself time. Be kinder to yourself, after all if you were perfect, how boring would your life be - I made this adventure for you,...embrace the adventure, enjoy it!"
I chucked a U'ie dropped the pride, stopped into a service station and asked for directions. Pretty soon I was back on track and made it home.
so, just so you know. I don't have it all together just yet. I'm still feeling a little stressy and nervous about the job front, about the living in a new city front.
But truth is, I will be okay, infact I WILL be more than fine. God has my back. He has looked at me, he has seen that what he has started in me IS good and he has promised to finish this! He's not done with me or Tim or you yet, he's still going before us and in his time we'll see what he's got.I love you.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
New Home!
Alright, alright...
I'm in Melbourne!!
Home of the glorious Tram [is it true once I'm a local I'll learn to hate them? NEVER!! :P]
Tim and I arrived on Monday afternoon, and I have been residing at my Aunty Jans place in Keilor, ever since.
So for now, this shall be my new home.
Ultimately the goal is to move into a flat of my own, however until I have a job I really can't afford to do that.
Monday afternoon saw me getting lost for the first time as I drove around the city, attempting to use the map in order to find my way back to my Aunts. Can I just add here, that I did infact manage to use the map to navigate and I did manage to get home.
Tim had given me instructions for which way I should go, however upon reflection I realised that he had sent me on probably the longest possible route.
You live and you learn I suppose ;)
Unfortunately Tim is at least a 1/2 hour drive from where I'm at and since he's working there really isn't a whole heapa point either one of us driving back and forth. So our plans are for the weekends, but long term? Well since whichever flat I move into will become our home together after the wedding, it's going to need to be closer. But for now I'm just over the whole bum aspect of my current existance and ready for a job.
Friday will see me pottering around to a whole heap of schools to meet and greet and leave them with a resume, before meeting up with Tim that afternoon/night. Not exactly sure what we'll be doing but we'll probably decide as we go along.
All you melbournians, I am in town and I'm here for a fair haul, to boot, I am excited about meeting up with people. Pop me a message either by email or mobile and we should plan something, otherwise I'll drop you a line and see what your doing.
God is good, theres a job for me somewhere, I've just gotta find it :D
Gosh I love prayer, and I appreciate any I can get!
much love
Jess xoxo
Saturday, February 17, 2007
It's a date!! Immigrating interstate.
My Victorian teaching Registration is all but a breath away.
I have received and paid the invoice and now I must merely wait for the final stage of the process.
For the last month the ball has begun to roll, and it is quickly starting to pick up speed.
Yesterday I submitted my first application for a teaching position. At Calder Rise Public School [literally round the corner and down the street from my Aunts place, a.k.a where I will be staying] They're looking for a Graduate teacher, with no experience other than the prac time they experienced while earning their degree.
I'm not pinning all my hopes on this position, but trusting that the one for me will turn up and I'll be able to kick butt in the interview.
So I'm set to drive to Newcastle on Saturday next week, meet Tim and together we'll drive el convoy down to Melbourne.
It's exciting and it's daunting and it's all things unknown...But it is a great adventure which I am so happy to be on. After all, Gods got my back ;)
The downside of a great adventure, is I have a heck load of packing to do, which involves cleaning out my room completely....eeerg.
Joy Joy Joy...eyes on the goal, eyes on the goal :P
I have received and paid the invoice and now I must merely wait for the final stage of the process.
For the last month the ball has begun to roll, and it is quickly starting to pick up speed.
Yesterday I submitted my first application for a teaching position. At Calder Rise Public School [literally round the corner and down the street from my Aunts place, a.k.a where I will be staying] They're looking for a Graduate teacher, with no experience other than the prac time they experienced while earning their degree.
I'm not pinning all my hopes on this position, but trusting that the one for me will turn up and I'll be able to kick butt in the interview.
So I'm set to drive to Newcastle on Saturday next week, meet Tim and together we'll drive el convoy down to Melbourne.
It's exciting and it's daunting and it's all things unknown...But it is a great adventure which I am so happy to be on. After all, Gods got my back ;)
The downside of a great adventure, is I have a heck load of packing to do, which involves cleaning out my room completely....eeerg.
Joy Joy Joy...eyes on the goal, eyes on the goal :P
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Blatant disrespect.
*I want to state that you may not agree with all of my ideas, but I appreciate your input, and any opinions or perspectives will always be respected. My aim here is to make you think and consider, that mayebe...just maybe it's time things changed in our society.
The subject of this post, arose after a conversation/argument with an important person in my life, of the opposite gender. He was deciding whether he would join a group of his work collegues in a few drinks at a local strip club.
I shared that I didn't like the idea, and we definitely clashed heads in our opinions.
It seemed like an obvious argument on my part to point out that it was a blatant objectification of woman, obviously a well worn argument as he was not particularly stunned that I would use it.
The truth of the matter is that any issues such as this, when it comes to women, is like an iceburg. I don't think that anyone will ever truely see the extent of passion I feel for the rights, respect and dignity that women deserve. I have no doubt that this is heavily due to the fact that I am, myself a woman.
Now I know, that there are women out there who choose to work within the sex industry as strippers, prostitudes and porn-stars. And I've heard vast numbers of women saying "Women who do that are powerful, they realise the power they have over men because of their sexuality and so the men are their slaves". I've heard that more times than I can count on both hands and yet, not once am I yet to buy it.
Exploiting sexuality as a form of power, does not create an image of strength...rather it stirs images of bondage and denial of authentic self. No person deserves to be summarised as simply 'Sexual'
I am yet to meet a fellow female who answers, when asked what they want to do with their lives, with "I want to be the worlds greatest stripper, or a world renowned Porn-star".
I did do my research, into the careers of female porn stars and the one recurrring similarity between all these women was their initial ambitions. Alot of these girls had dreams of being movie stars...celebrities...actors. They became so desperate to see their dreams become reality, that when offered a job behind the camera, they couldn't say yes quickly enough.
These girls were often but children, 15 or 16 years old, still discovering who they truely were to be. Many stating, that initially they didn't know whether they had made the right decision, but the more films they made, the more money began to role in. They dreamt of fame and in persuit of the dream, somewhere along the way they got lost.
One of the other heartbreaks of this industry, is the number of these women with serious Alcohol or drug addictions. Why turn to drugs/alcohol again and again and again I was bombarded with this...
"...If you are unhappy, stressed, or lonely, you are more likely to turn to drugs to forget your problems..."
Now why would women who feel as though they are so powerful because of their sexual hold over men, be feeling Unhappy. stressed or lonely? ...
...
Maybe, just maybe they don't have the control and power they convince themselves they do.
As any male knows and any honest female will admit. Us women are a complicated gender.
And while I don't want to try and speak for every female on the face of this planet, I will speak for the female whom I know so honestly. Myself
I want to be taken seriously, I want to be respected, I want to feel more than eye-candy, I want to feel as though I am worthy of time, of dignity, of personal integrity.
Those desires become incredibly difficult to gain when a bunch of intoxicated males sit yahooing, hollering and hooting. Oggling my breats and my body, with no desire to interact or know me any further than instant and shallow self gratification.
The heart of a woman is a vulnerable thing. Easily shattered and devastated. And broken enough it shuts down, it closes off and it numbs itself. Sometimes it becomes easier to switch-off than to suffer the same devastation again. Easier to succumb to the lie, that "All you have to offer is your pretty face...you should be happy to have the attention of males, you were made beautiful so you could please them..."
Women are more than pretty faces, more than flesh, breasts and ass [scuse the bluntness]
Too many women have sacrificed self respect in the persuit of male attention, in the peruit of love, in the persuit of acceptance.
Why do women accept it? why do they say, "this life is enough? I'm not happy, but at least people seem to like having me around..."
But my bigger question is, Where are all the men of integrity? Please please don't just sit there, stand up and begin to make a noise. Require more of women!
Men, imagine you have a daughter [or already have a daughter] would you not want the best for her? Now imagine that you have a BBQ, with all your mates over, your daughter walks out and all of the fella's start hooting and wolf-whisting and talking about what they would like to do to her. You can see your daughter, at first she's flattered by the attention, So she comes over to try and have a conversation with them and instead they tell her to shuttup and dance. Would you just stand there and allow them to do it? Would you join them in the hollering and hooting, and watch as your daughter begins to become defined by simply her body.
I know that it is overused...but it is true, Every single one of those girls is someones daughter.
Not all of those girls have fathers who love them enough to wish more for them. It is time that someone chose to say no to shallow disrespect and begin a revolution of men who take women for more than face value.
You might say "Thats completely out of context" but is it really, is not our society telling women "we just want you to shuttup and dance" when we choose to go to a strip club, when we choose to switch on a porn tape, when we pay a prostitute for sex.
I'm sorry if this post makes anyone feel uncomfortable, but tonight my emotions are running high.
Where are the men of integrity? What are young boys learning about women and how women should be treated?
It's something that we need to be thinking about.
What are young girls learning when they see women 'dumbing down' and just flashing some skin instead... for what?! For the attention they so desire.
I've heard the argument, "Oh I look at them, but I don't actually want to be with them" Then why are you looking? why would you even want to look if you don't intend on making a solid investment? Why are you wasting your time?
How is the woman in your life supposed to feel when you want to spend your time looking at something you don't even want, rather than proving to her that you do actually want her.
My opinion.
Porn and strip clubs and hookers, are the toys of men who are still playing the game.
Men who are still humouring the playboy, and are yet to make a decision to truely settle down.
To honestly say, "You are enough for me...I don't WANT anyone else"
"Oh but I would never cheat on my partner..." Oh but don't you see, by looking, you actually are
"Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Your lustful glances are taking something from this other woman that you've said you would only take from your partner. And is your partner supposed to just smile and say...okay, well I'm glad she could give you that. I'll just wait till your ready for me again.
By fantasising your being the bachelor in your own imagination again. Your cheating your partner and giving her less of your complete self, and less than your complete faithfulness.
Any woman who respects herself will say, "Dream on!" Sadly too many women don't want to rock the boat and just accept that men are 'visual creatures' and need that male bonding time.
How a session of mutual, visual, cheating classifies as bonding is beyond me...but alot of men and women alike consider it so.
To the soul of a woman, the heart of the man she loves is one of her most prized possessions she will ever have. When a man entertains a lust for another woman...he has allowed that other to capture him [if only briefly]. And that can hurt nearly as significantly as the physical act itself.
And finally [I know I've been going on and on] But my blood boils when men say "Oh but all the other guys are doing it"
Personal integrity should be bigger than what other men are doing. Whether the men around you want to choose to stand up and say, "The disrespect of women stops here" or not. You don't have to live with that...You do have to live with your decisions, and trust me, there is ALWAYS a decision, and it is ALWAYS yours to make...Below is an extract entitled "Integrity (A Talk To Men)" taken from John Marks website.
"...Today we find it easier to rationalise our bad behaviour blaming it on our background, personality type and we excuse ourselves from any personal responsibility.
Self-justification is often an immediate defense when we are caught out. We excuse our bad behaviour by saying that everybody is doing it. This kind of behaviour often ends up in ruining ones own life, devastating those close to us and damaging many others around us. What we need are men of integrity who will maintain their standards, clearly draw the line, not even go into the grey areas of life, no matter what the personal cost may be..."
All I ask is that men stop and actually take a moment to consider...
Please!
Women need to respect themselves. And when men and women alike choose to respect the women whom they encounter, they are ultimately telling women that they are worthy of such respect, and women begin to believe that they should accept nothing less and begin to truely respect themselves.
They find freedom
And that dear reader is a wonderful thing.
The subject of this post, arose after a conversation/argument with an important person in my life, of the opposite gender. He was deciding whether he would join a group of his work collegues in a few drinks at a local strip club.
I shared that I didn't like the idea, and we definitely clashed heads in our opinions.
It seemed like an obvious argument on my part to point out that it was a blatant objectification of woman, obviously a well worn argument as he was not particularly stunned that I would use it.
The truth of the matter is that any issues such as this, when it comes to women, is like an iceburg. I don't think that anyone will ever truely see the extent of passion I feel for the rights, respect and dignity that women deserve. I have no doubt that this is heavily due to the fact that I am, myself a woman.
Now I know, that there are women out there who choose to work within the sex industry as strippers, prostitudes and porn-stars. And I've heard vast numbers of women saying "Women who do that are powerful, they realise the power they have over men because of their sexuality and so the men are their slaves". I've heard that more times than I can count on both hands and yet, not once am I yet to buy it.
Exploiting sexuality as a form of power, does not create an image of strength...rather it stirs images of bondage and denial of authentic self. No person deserves to be summarised as simply 'Sexual'
I am yet to meet a fellow female who answers, when asked what they want to do with their lives, with "I want to be the worlds greatest stripper, or a world renowned Porn-star".
I did do my research, into the careers of female porn stars and the one recurrring similarity between all these women was their initial ambitions. Alot of these girls had dreams of being movie stars...celebrities...actors. They became so desperate to see their dreams become reality, that when offered a job behind the camera, they couldn't say yes quickly enough.
These girls were often but children, 15 or 16 years old, still discovering who they truely were to be. Many stating, that initially they didn't know whether they had made the right decision, but the more films they made, the more money began to role in. They dreamt of fame and in persuit of the dream, somewhere along the way they got lost.
One of the other heartbreaks of this industry, is the number of these women with serious Alcohol or drug addictions. Why turn to drugs/alcohol again and again and again I was bombarded with this...
"...If you are unhappy, stressed, or lonely, you are more likely to turn to drugs to forget your problems..."
Now why would women who feel as though they are so powerful because of their sexual hold over men, be feeling Unhappy. stressed or lonely? ...
...
Maybe, just maybe they don't have the control and power they convince themselves they do.
As any male knows and any honest female will admit. Us women are a complicated gender.
And while I don't want to try and speak for every female on the face of this planet, I will speak for the female whom I know so honestly. Myself
I want to be taken seriously, I want to be respected, I want to feel more than eye-candy, I want to feel as though I am worthy of time, of dignity, of personal integrity.
Those desires become incredibly difficult to gain when a bunch of intoxicated males sit yahooing, hollering and hooting. Oggling my breats and my body, with no desire to interact or know me any further than instant and shallow self gratification.
The heart of a woman is a vulnerable thing. Easily shattered and devastated. And broken enough it shuts down, it closes off and it numbs itself. Sometimes it becomes easier to switch-off than to suffer the same devastation again. Easier to succumb to the lie, that "All you have to offer is your pretty face...you should be happy to have the attention of males, you were made beautiful so you could please them..."
Women are more than pretty faces, more than flesh, breasts and ass [scuse the bluntness]
Too many women have sacrificed self respect in the persuit of male attention, in the peruit of love, in the persuit of acceptance.
Why do women accept it? why do they say, "this life is enough? I'm not happy, but at least people seem to like having me around..."
But my bigger question is, Where are all the men of integrity? Please please don't just sit there, stand up and begin to make a noise. Require more of women!
Men, imagine you have a daughter [or already have a daughter] would you not want the best for her? Now imagine that you have a BBQ, with all your mates over, your daughter walks out and all of the fella's start hooting and wolf-whisting and talking about what they would like to do to her. You can see your daughter, at first she's flattered by the attention, So she comes over to try and have a conversation with them and instead they tell her to shuttup and dance. Would you just stand there and allow them to do it? Would you join them in the hollering and hooting, and watch as your daughter begins to become defined by simply her body.
I know that it is overused...but it is true, Every single one of those girls is someones daughter.
Not all of those girls have fathers who love them enough to wish more for them. It is time that someone chose to say no to shallow disrespect and begin a revolution of men who take women for more than face value.
You might say "Thats completely out of context" but is it really, is not our society telling women "we just want you to shuttup and dance" when we choose to go to a strip club, when we choose to switch on a porn tape, when we pay a prostitute for sex.
I'm sorry if this post makes anyone feel uncomfortable, but tonight my emotions are running high.
Where are the men of integrity? What are young boys learning about women and how women should be treated?
It's something that we need to be thinking about.
What are young girls learning when they see women 'dumbing down' and just flashing some skin instead... for what?! For the attention they so desire.
I've heard the argument, "Oh I look at them, but I don't actually want to be with them" Then why are you looking? why would you even want to look if you don't intend on making a solid investment? Why are you wasting your time?
How is the woman in your life supposed to feel when you want to spend your time looking at something you don't even want, rather than proving to her that you do actually want her.
My opinion.
Porn and strip clubs and hookers, are the toys of men who are still playing the game.
Men who are still humouring the playboy, and are yet to make a decision to truely settle down.
To honestly say, "You are enough for me...I don't WANT anyone else"
"Oh but I would never cheat on my partner..." Oh but don't you see, by looking, you actually are
"Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Your lustful glances are taking something from this other woman that you've said you would only take from your partner. And is your partner supposed to just smile and say...okay, well I'm glad she could give you that. I'll just wait till your ready for me again.
By fantasising your being the bachelor in your own imagination again. Your cheating your partner and giving her less of your complete self, and less than your complete faithfulness.
Any woman who respects herself will say, "Dream on!" Sadly too many women don't want to rock the boat and just accept that men are 'visual creatures' and need that male bonding time.
How a session of mutual, visual, cheating classifies as bonding is beyond me...but alot of men and women alike consider it so.
To the soul of a woman, the heart of the man she loves is one of her most prized possessions she will ever have. When a man entertains a lust for another woman...he has allowed that other to capture him [if only briefly]. And that can hurt nearly as significantly as the physical act itself.
And finally [I know I've been going on and on] But my blood boils when men say "Oh but all the other guys are doing it"
Personal integrity should be bigger than what other men are doing. Whether the men around you want to choose to stand up and say, "The disrespect of women stops here" or not. You don't have to live with that...You do have to live with your decisions, and trust me, there is ALWAYS a decision, and it is ALWAYS yours to make...Below is an extract entitled "Integrity (A Talk To Men)" taken from John Marks website.
"...Today we find it easier to rationalise our bad behaviour blaming it on our background, personality type and we excuse ourselves from any personal responsibility.
Self-justification is often an immediate defense when we are caught out. We excuse our bad behaviour by saying that everybody is doing it. This kind of behaviour often ends up in ruining ones own life, devastating those close to us and damaging many others around us. What we need are men of integrity who will maintain their standards, clearly draw the line, not even go into the grey areas of life, no matter what the personal cost may be..."
All I ask is that men stop and actually take a moment to consider...
Please!
Women need to respect themselves. And when men and women alike choose to respect the women whom they encounter, they are ultimately telling women that they are worthy of such respect, and women begin to believe that they should accept nothing less and begin to truely respect themselves.
They find freedom
And that dear reader is a wonderful thing.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Beauty from Pain
"...Truth be told, Tim and I both know that we never would have been ready for each other, had we met 3 or even 2 years ago. Each of our seperate heartbreaks helped to shape each one of us into a person who attracted the other in their vibrancy..."
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Unified...[and sanctified]
Still in Forster, and contented.
I've taken to sitting out on the couch on mum and dads verandah after the sun has set, and all is still. I've grown incredibly fond of the coolness of the air and the way everything feels at peace.
So tonight as I sat, head perched on a cushion and eyes gazing towards the stars, I think that for the first time in, what feels like a long time, felt myself calm. I'm not a particularly stressy person, by nature. I tend to take things as they come, but I must admit that since Tim moved to Melbourne I've felt incredibly eager to get myself there and have felt the pinch of frustration as all that was keeping me was my teaching registration.
I've been persuing this idea of waiting. Of taking those steps towards the presence of God, of drawing close, but resting there in silence and allowing him to speak to my spirit.
Tonight was a night of sweet reflection. As I sat silently, eyes closed - before my spirit truely realised what was to follow, I felt a tear run the length of my cheeck, before dripping from my chin. My initial reaction was "Why am I crying?!" But I sat and I waited.
As the moments passed I began to reflect upon the last month. I'm sure that any of you who read this blog regularly [if you exist ;) ] are aware of the shebang with Tim offered his dream job and then finding a flat, complete with flatmates he truely enjoys the company of, and while all of that has been an incredible blessing, tonight my reflection flowed further back.
Tonight my reflection rested on the month before Melbourne was even a consideration in Tim and My plans.
It was December, I was literally, days away from completing my Primary teaching degree and Tim and I knew we needed to start making some decisions...Where were we going?
The Engagement ring was well and truely locked on my finger, which basically meant [as far as we were concerned] that we were joint at the hip in terms of city destination. But which one?
I can still remember sitting together and praying that God would guide us, that he would grant us our desires and bless us in our future together. That he would open doors of persuit and close those which we need to leave behind. I can remember that at the end of it we both felt pretty good, confident and hopeful. We'd prayed our "God, Guide us to the future, Prayer" Not realising that what God really wanted was to use this situation to push us deeper, and stretch our understanding of marriage and what it really means, further.
And then days past...weeks past...and nothing. Nothing had happened, nothing had stirred...nothing.
So we sat and we talked and I asked Tim, "When you look at where you want to go, what do you want? what do you really want?"
He answered Queensland and when he asked me the same question, I wanted to stay in New South Wales. It was then that we realised we were both desiring different things. We had asked God to grant us our desires, yet how could he? how could he possibly grant us anything when we were both desiring to head in completely different directions, in the long run whichever way we ended up going, one of us would feel as though we had been forced to make such a huge compromise, one of us would end up feeling even slightly dissapointed. Now I know that in marriage there comes times when we need to choose compromise, but we were both so convinced that God was bigger than this one, that should we throw it into his hands, his solution would be far greater than any we could create.
So we sat, and again we prayed. Only this time we prayed that we would be united in our desires, that God would look deeper, and guide us to the solution we sought.
Unity is such a powerful weapon in the hands of Gods children, and we realise that those snares which get thrown under us, attempt to break the unity which enables us to serve God more fully.
Not one day later, Tim found a Job online, initially thinking "Nah, no chance I'll get it...but heck, I'll send my resume" The next day he came to me with the news "I've been shortlisted...I didn't think I had a chance, but they want me to come down for an interview"
Melbourne! The city was Melbourne.
Anyone who knows me well, knows I love Melbourne. The idea of living there? well I was tickled pink. Tim was tickled pink.
We both love Melbourne and yet had never even considered it!
...
As I sad tonight on the Verandah I cried...tears of gratitude, to a great God who blesses the unity of his Kids.
Who blesses the feeble, the undeserving and the foolish. The God we serve and we love, is far greater than any words would ever give credit for.
In Love and Unity,
Jess xoxo
I've taken to sitting out on the couch on mum and dads verandah after the sun has set, and all is still. I've grown incredibly fond of the coolness of the air and the way everything feels at peace.
So tonight as I sat, head perched on a cushion and eyes gazing towards the stars, I think that for the first time in, what feels like a long time, felt myself calm. I'm not a particularly stressy person, by nature. I tend to take things as they come, but I must admit that since Tim moved to Melbourne I've felt incredibly eager to get myself there and have felt the pinch of frustration as all that was keeping me was my teaching registration.
I've been persuing this idea of waiting. Of taking those steps towards the presence of God, of drawing close, but resting there in silence and allowing him to speak to my spirit.
Tonight was a night of sweet reflection. As I sat silently, eyes closed - before my spirit truely realised what was to follow, I felt a tear run the length of my cheeck, before dripping from my chin. My initial reaction was "Why am I crying?!" But I sat and I waited.
As the moments passed I began to reflect upon the last month. I'm sure that any of you who read this blog regularly [if you exist ;) ] are aware of the shebang with Tim offered his dream job and then finding a flat, complete with flatmates he truely enjoys the company of, and while all of that has been an incredible blessing, tonight my reflection flowed further back.
Tonight my reflection rested on the month before Melbourne was even a consideration in Tim and My plans.
It was December, I was literally, days away from completing my Primary teaching degree and Tim and I knew we needed to start making some decisions...Where were we going?
The Engagement ring was well and truely locked on my finger, which basically meant [as far as we were concerned] that we were joint at the hip in terms of city destination. But which one?
I can still remember sitting together and praying that God would guide us, that he would grant us our desires and bless us in our future together. That he would open doors of persuit and close those which we need to leave behind. I can remember that at the end of it we both felt pretty good, confident and hopeful. We'd prayed our "God, Guide us to the future, Prayer" Not realising that what God really wanted was to use this situation to push us deeper, and stretch our understanding of marriage and what it really means, further.
And then days past...weeks past...and nothing. Nothing had happened, nothing had stirred...nothing.
So we sat and we talked and I asked Tim, "When you look at where you want to go, what do you want? what do you really want?"
He answered Queensland and when he asked me the same question, I wanted to stay in New South Wales. It was then that we realised we were both desiring different things. We had asked God to grant us our desires, yet how could he? how could he possibly grant us anything when we were both desiring to head in completely different directions, in the long run whichever way we ended up going, one of us would feel as though we had been forced to make such a huge compromise, one of us would end up feeling even slightly dissapointed. Now I know that in marriage there comes times when we need to choose compromise, but we were both so convinced that God was bigger than this one, that should we throw it into his hands, his solution would be far greater than any we could create.
So we sat, and again we prayed. Only this time we prayed that we would be united in our desires, that God would look deeper, and guide us to the solution we sought.
Unity is such a powerful weapon in the hands of Gods children, and we realise that those snares which get thrown under us, attempt to break the unity which enables us to serve God more fully.
Not one day later, Tim found a Job online, initially thinking "Nah, no chance I'll get it...but heck, I'll send my resume" The next day he came to me with the news "I've been shortlisted...I didn't think I had a chance, but they want me to come down for an interview"
Melbourne! The city was Melbourne.
Anyone who knows me well, knows I love Melbourne. The idea of living there? well I was tickled pink. Tim was tickled pink.
We both love Melbourne and yet had never even considered it!
...
As I sad tonight on the Verandah I cried...tears of gratitude, to a great God who blesses the unity of his Kids.
Who blesses the feeble, the undeserving and the foolish. The God we serve and we love, is far greater than any words would ever give credit for.
In Love and Unity,
Jess xoxo
Friday, February 09, 2007
Pic lackings?
Did you notice that I haven't put any new piccies on these pages for quite a few entries?
I like adding piccies to my posts, makes them a little more interesting, breaks the text a bit.
Anywhoo, if you really feel as though you need some photographic additons, then head over to flickr, (hit my link to the left if it's easier) and take a squiz at some of the new stuff.
Psst, this is how I've been entertaining myself lately. Building a wedding website with alot of the details unable to fit on the invite. Below is the header. Considering I have extremely limited computer literacy :P I'm so proud of myself. I may eventually link to the site...just gimme a little more time to make it look better.
P.S. When I say "build" I mean, take the given template and squish all my stuff in, theres no way I would survive [and still be sane] with all the code necessary to build it from scratch.
Kudos to those special folk who manage it without hitting their head repeatedly on the kepboard, or wall, or *insert the hardest nearby object here*! I salute you!
Found in my room?! Thats a miracle!!
So I lost my MP3 player for the last 6 months.
I could not, for the life of me find it anywhere!
To be honest it had been missing for so long that I think I may have forgotten it ever existed. And then today, as I was cleaning out my room in preperation for the big move to Melbourne - just allow me to go off topic for 2 seconds as I have a sook...Hows this for love, my parents have told me to clear out my room, pretty much completely. I'm not even married yet and I'm already getting the boot. :P
Yep, theres that dramatic streak again. - So anyway, where was I?
Oh yeah, as I'm cleaning out my room, there it is, my MP3 player. I swear it could nearly have had, the bright light and angels singing, with me gliding towards it...not entirely sure as I was completely engulfed in the joy of finding it again.
So of course, whats the first thing you do after finding the long lost MP3?...You have a scan through the music.
Alot of MP3's...and then I switch across to the self record feature, as I remembered at some point I was carrying it around, just incase, inspiration struck.
And can I say, as I listened to them I don't think it would be completely unfair to say...
"There was a WHooooole heapa crap on there!!" :P
But I did manage to find a glimmer of hope, a rough diamond perhaps...maybe I'll try and polish her up.
Arise oh mighty warrior
Take the sword within your hand
Step up and fight this battle
I'm giving you this land
Arise oh mighty warrior
You are chosen with my blood
Step up and brave this battle
oh Child, the Victories won
It Kind of had this cool little inflect which made it fun to sing.
Oh, speaking songs. I had a friend recommend Kirk Franklins "Imagine Me" filmclip with the advice, "Look out though, you may just cry".
Can I just say, at the risk of sounding like a complete sap, I didn't just cry, I absolutely blubbered like a new born baby, right after the doctor smacked that shiny pink booty (Okay so I heard that doctors don't do that, but they do in movies so it's just gotta be true then... right?!! :P )
I would recommend the clip, the song itself is pretty great, but the clip AND the song WOW!!
I think the tears hit the chin somwehere around the line "What if God came up and whispered in your ear, Everything from your past is...Gone..."
If you have the chance and haven't watched it...Watch it. If you have the chance and have watched...well, watch it again.
Reminders like that are definitely worth our time.
Bless ya my big and little bro's and sissas
xoxo
I could not, for the life of me find it anywhere!
To be honest it had been missing for so long that I think I may have forgotten it ever existed. And then today, as I was cleaning out my room in preperation for the big move to Melbourne - just allow me to go off topic for 2 seconds as I have a sook...Hows this for love, my parents have told me to clear out my room, pretty much completely. I'm not even married yet and I'm already getting the boot. :P
Yep, theres that dramatic streak again. - So anyway, where was I?
Oh yeah, as I'm cleaning out my room, there it is, my MP3 player. I swear it could nearly have had, the bright light and angels singing, with me gliding towards it...not entirely sure as I was completely engulfed in the joy of finding it again.
So of course, whats the first thing you do after finding the long lost MP3?...You have a scan through the music.
Alot of MP3's...and then I switch across to the self record feature, as I remembered at some point I was carrying it around, just incase, inspiration struck.
And can I say, as I listened to them I don't think it would be completely unfair to say...
"There was a WHooooole heapa crap on there!!" :P
But I did manage to find a glimmer of hope, a rough diamond perhaps...maybe I'll try and polish her up.
Arise oh mighty warrior
Take the sword within your hand
Step up and fight this battle
I'm giving you this land
Arise oh mighty warrior
You are chosen with my blood
Step up and brave this battle
oh Child, the Victories won
It Kind of had this cool little inflect which made it fun to sing.
Oh, speaking songs. I had a friend recommend Kirk Franklins "Imagine Me" filmclip with the advice, "Look out though, you may just cry".
Can I just say, at the risk of sounding like a complete sap, I didn't just cry, I absolutely blubbered like a new born baby, right after the doctor smacked that shiny pink booty (Okay so I heard that doctors don't do that, but they do in movies so it's just gotta be true then... right?!! :P )
I would recommend the clip, the song itself is pretty great, but the clip AND the song WOW!!
I think the tears hit the chin somwehere around the line "What if God came up and whispered in your ear, Everything from your past is...Gone..."
If you have the chance and haven't watched it...Watch it. If you have the chance and have watched...well, watch it again.
Reminders like that are definitely worth our time.
Bless ya my big and little bro's and sissas
xoxo
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Ouchie!
Went to Body Step tonight and I do not know what I did, but I twisted/jolted/ cracked...who knows!!! my back and now it hurts so much!
You know what sucks the most about it though...I was watching Oprah [yar I'm a sucker ] and she mentioned that she does 150 sit-ups so I thought, "heck I could do that" and so I have been. Building the abs is supposed to lower the strain on your back, and so in fine Jessica style...after building the abs with 150 situps [everyday!!]for the last 2 weeks and then I go and strain my lower back leaping around on a plastic step.
Oh I really have outdone myself haven't I!
So if you see me and I'm walking as though there is some sort of broomstick up my Kaboose, you'll understand...my posture hasn't shown an incredible improvement [I really do need to work on that ] rather its that walking any other way would leave me wrything around on the ground in pain...
well actually thats not true I don't think I would squirm much at all, rather I would just lay there stiff, to terrified to move and create more pain.
Oh I am being so dramatic with all of this aren't
I Truth is it does hurt, but I think that I've learnt to block pain, as the last time I ever took a pain killer [including panadol or whatever] was 4 years ago when I was suffering from Killer heat stroke.I'm a tough nut...the back shall recover.
All your Get well cards and messages are much appreciated...*cough hint hint cough*
Hope your all fabulous! though I'm sure I don't need to hope, of course your fabulous, you always are, not just anyone makes it onto the friends list you know!
Love and more love
You know what sucks the most about it though...I was watching Oprah [yar I'm a sucker ] and she mentioned that she does 150 sit-ups so I thought, "heck I could do that" and so I have been. Building the abs is supposed to lower the strain on your back, and so in fine Jessica style...after building the abs with 150 situps [everyday!!]for the last 2 weeks and then I go and strain my lower back leaping around on a plastic step.
Oh I really have outdone myself haven't I!
So if you see me and I'm walking as though there is some sort of broomstick up my Kaboose, you'll understand...my posture hasn't shown an incredible improvement [I really do need to work on that ] rather its that walking any other way would leave me wrything around on the ground in pain...
well actually thats not true I don't think I would squirm much at all, rather I would just lay there stiff, to terrified to move and create more pain.
Oh I am being so dramatic with all of this aren't
I Truth is it does hurt, but I think that I've learnt to block pain, as the last time I ever took a pain killer [including panadol or whatever] was 4 years ago when I was suffering from Killer heat stroke.I'm a tough nut...the back shall recover.
All your Get well cards and messages are much appreciated...*cough hint hint cough*
Hope your all fabulous! though I'm sure I don't need to hope, of course your fabulous, you always are, not just anyone makes it onto the friends list you know!
Love and more love
Thursday, February 01, 2007
MSN-ings
Tims in Melbourne, I'm still in Forster, waiting for my material to come through from the University so I can recieve approval from the Victorian Education department to teach in Vic. I'm set to follow him there as soon as I can and it's tough - tough being so far away from him and tough being patient and unsure all at the same time. But trusting that God has it all sussed out and I've gotta keep stepping out of the boat.
Okay so I decided to be a little slack. But truth be told I really couldn't bring myself to blab all this out again, so it was easier to take my msn conversation with Belle last night and paste it here.
what else is there for me to say that...happy reading.
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
I'm learning a thing or two at the moment too
Bella says:
oh I bet!!
Bella says:
how you going with it all?
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
it's really really hard
so much harder than expected
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
it's not at if God is saying "I want you to go and do this"
instead he's saying "I want you to sit there, trust me, and do absolutely nothing - you've done all you can, now you've just gotta trust me"
and it's hard...
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
just waiting and waiting and waiting and trusting that there are coggs turning, I just can't see them right now
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
I kinda lost it last night
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
coz Tim was supposed to call me and then he was so exhausted that he accidentally fell asleep and that little girl in me said "I was forgotten" which compounded all this stuff and left me wondering, "what if Gods forgotten me too"
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
which I know is absolute crap
I'm not forgotten...
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
But Katie came to my rescue and chatted and cried and prayed with me...
she prayed the most incredible prayer over me...which went on and on and covered every fear/concern of my heart...it was amazing...She was so clearly led by the spirit, because she was speaking out things I haven't shared with her...
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
which of course made me into even more of a blubbering mess...
but it was good...
sometimes it's just good to cry
Bella says:
that's it....you're not forgotten, cause God probably orchestrated that whole moment
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
yeah... I did wake up today feeling so much better
Bella says:
Praise the Lord!
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
It's good to be completely honest with God...he knows it all already, but theres something so liberating in releasing it into his hands and letting him use all the fear and pain and concern...and make it into something amazing!
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
I trust him completely, it'll work out I know it...
it's just hard having to play the waiting game...
Bella says:
haha
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
but it's his hilarious way of teaching me patience...yet again!
Bella says:
you're telling ME!!
Bella says:
hmm. gotta love that lesson huh!
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
to be honest...
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
no I don't love it...I don't even like it...but heck knows I need it
Bella says:
AMEN!!
Okay so I decided to be a little slack. But truth be told I really couldn't bring myself to blab all this out again, so it was easier to take my msn conversation with Belle last night and paste it here.
what else is there for me to say that...happy reading.
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
I'm learning a thing or two at the moment too
Bella says:
oh I bet!!
Bella says:
how you going with it all?
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
it's really really hard
so much harder than expected
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
it's not at if God is saying "I want you to go and do this"
instead he's saying "I want you to sit there, trust me, and do absolutely nothing - you've done all you can, now you've just gotta trust me"
and it's hard...
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
just waiting and waiting and waiting and trusting that there are coggs turning, I just can't see them right now
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
I kinda lost it last night
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
coz Tim was supposed to call me and then he was so exhausted that he accidentally fell asleep and that little girl in me said "I was forgotten" which compounded all this stuff and left me wondering, "what if Gods forgotten me too"
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
which I know is absolute crap
I'm not forgotten...
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
But Katie came to my rescue and chatted and cried and prayed with me...
she prayed the most incredible prayer over me...which went on and on and covered every fear/concern of my heart...it was amazing...She was so clearly led by the spirit, because she was speaking out things I haven't shared with her...
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
which of course made me into even more of a blubbering mess...
but it was good...
sometimes it's just good to cry
Bella says:
that's it....you're not forgotten, cause God probably orchestrated that whole moment
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
yeah... I did wake up today feeling so much better
Bella says:
Praise the Lord!
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
It's good to be completely honest with God...he knows it all already, but theres something so liberating in releasing it into his hands and letting him use all the fear and pain and concern...and make it into something amazing!
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
I trust him completely, it'll work out I know it...
it's just hard having to play the waiting game...
Bella says:
haha
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
but it's his hilarious way of teaching me patience...yet again!
Bella says:
you're telling ME!!
Bella says:
hmm. gotta love that lesson huh!
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
to be honest...
Jez: Operation: 'Relocation Love' says:
no I don't love it...I don't even like it...but heck knows I need it
Bella says:
AMEN!!
Thursday, January 18, 2007
It's moving time!!
Alrighty people it's happening, the big move is taking place and as it turns out, this big move of which I speak involves travelling interstate, to a place we all know and love...
MELBOURNE!
On Tuesday Tim caught his flight out from Brisbane to Melbourne for his Job interview at Klopferdobos, He must have done some serious impressing because he walked straight out of the interview, rang me on the phone opening the conversation with "I GOT THE JOB!!!"
So with those words Tim and I will be moving to Melbourne, set to plant our feet there within the next 2 weeks.
So currently I'm working my way through the registration process to be recognised within Victorian schools. Plus I'm also looking for a flat. For the time being I shall be moving in with my Aunty Jan, who I adore - but I refuse to mooch off her for too long, with my moving in being only a temporary thing.
So it's exciting, a little nervy but the way tim and I have chosen to look at it is, we're starting an adventure and we're on it together.
God has been so amazing with this whole shabang...he really has captured the desires of the heart and we're both so happy with the outcome...we realise there's going to be a tonne of stuff to organise in a really short time, but God has been so good, he's never let us down, and he's going to continue to lead us through.
xoxo
MELBOURNE!
On Tuesday Tim caught his flight out from Brisbane to Melbourne for his Job interview at Klopferdobos, He must have done some serious impressing because he walked straight out of the interview, rang me on the phone opening the conversation with "I GOT THE JOB!!!"
So with those words Tim and I will be moving to Melbourne, set to plant our feet there within the next 2 weeks.
So currently I'm working my way through the registration process to be recognised within Victorian schools. Plus I'm also looking for a flat. For the time being I shall be moving in with my Aunty Jan, who I adore - but I refuse to mooch off her for too long, with my moving in being only a temporary thing.
So it's exciting, a little nervy but the way tim and I have chosen to look at it is, we're starting an adventure and we're on it together.
God has been so amazing with this whole shabang...he really has captured the desires of the heart and we're both so happy with the outcome...we realise there's going to be a tonne of stuff to organise in a really short time, but God has been so good, he's never let us down, and he's going to continue to lead us through.
xoxo
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Hitched in Zion!
I found this today...
I did some research, with the goal to find out more about the History behind the Green Cathedral. Yep, thats the place where Tim and I are set to tie the knot.
I've always had a soft spot for the outdoor church, but having searched a little deeper, I'm even more in love with it now than I ever was before.
The 'Green Cathedral' and 'Green Cathedral Ministries' are part of Community of Christ. The name Tiona [where the church is located] is a Tahitian word that is equivalent to the biblical 'Zion', an ideal place where the people of God were of one heart and one mind and dwelt in righteousness.
[wow! loving that hey!!]
The first church spiritual retreat was held in Tiona in 1923.
The Green Cathedral was birthed from a vision of a place for people to worship and was dedicated 'For private devotion and public worship' in 1940.
This beautiful open-air santuary is used for worship and sacrament services such as; marriage; blessing of children; baptism and funeral services.
Green Cathedral Ministries hold worship services each sunday at 10:ooam. All are invited and welcome to share, with communion services held the first sunday of the month.
At the entrance there is a dedication sign which reads;
I did some research, with the goal to find out more about the History behind the Green Cathedral. Yep, thats the place where Tim and I are set to tie the knot.
I've always had a soft spot for the outdoor church, but having searched a little deeper, I'm even more in love with it now than I ever was before.
The 'Green Cathedral' and 'Green Cathedral Ministries' are part of Community of Christ. The name Tiona [where the church is located] is a Tahitian word that is equivalent to the biblical 'Zion', an ideal place where the people of God were of one heart and one mind and dwelt in righteousness.
[wow! loving that hey!!]
The first church spiritual retreat was held in Tiona in 1923.
The Green Cathedral was birthed from a vision of a place for people to worship and was dedicated 'For private devotion and public worship' in 1940.
This beautiful open-air santuary is used for worship and sacrament services such as; marriage; blessing of children; baptism and funeral services.
Green Cathedral Ministries hold worship services each sunday at 10:ooam. All are invited and welcome to share, with communion services held the first sunday of the month.
At the entrance there is a dedication sign which reads;
"The groves were God's first temples
Father, your hands have raised these giant palms
You did weave the palm frond roof above, you are here,
Lord you fill the solitude.
In this place nature enjoys your presence.
You Lord have not left yourself without witness,
Grandeur and tranquility mix here to speak of you.
Here is continual worship,
We breathe our thanks."
I can't think of a place I would want to get married in more. How rad is that!! I'm getting married in Zion.
:D
p.s. sorry if I'm boring/annoying anyone with my constant wedding warblings, it's just such an exciting thing..
p.p.s. I bought my wedding shoes today and they're high...comfortable, gorgeous and high :P
p.p.s. I bought my wedding shoes today and they're high...comfortable, gorgeous and high :P
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Sneek-Peeks
Ok Ok.
So the deed is done...
The deed. You know, the BIG one!
???
I have chosen my wedding Dress...
But more than that, I have purchased my wedding dress and it hangs in my parents room. Can I just say that I absolutely adore it. Now I realise that it is only one day, and I will only wear it that one day and I don't find myself getting all caught up in the wedding stuff, don't get me wrong, yes I'm excited, but I find myself so much more excited by the idea of being Tim's wife!! I can't wait!!
In fact I was somewhat doubting my girliness due to my lack of "wedding fever" as I call it. But the dress really is beautiful and I knapped it for less that $500, which is absolutely a blessing of God, as the bead work is exquisite
happy happy.
But alas, I will be mean, and not let you see it until the photo's of the big day, or if your luckier, on the day itself!!
My gorgeous and talented sister Kate is designing and making the jewelry for not only myself, but all the bridesmaids. In fact she finished my Jewelry today and I will let you see that;
Earrings
Bracelet
Katie didn't make the necklace, as I've chosen to wear my Great Grandmothers Crystals, which, {shall I say} I inherited, after she passed away.
As for the bridesmaids. The dresses and shoes have all been bought!!!! Can you believe it, it's so fantastic!
I was at the after christmas sales in Sydney and we popped in to
have a squiz and managed to snaffle the dresses not only for $50 each, but because we bought 2 we got the 3rd one free! And they are so much more than I ever expected!! I love love LOVE them!!
And yes...he he he...I am mean. I'm not going to show you the whole lot either. Just little sneek-peeks of them...after all I want the title of the post to remain relevent ;)
Time and Time again, God just keeps blessing and blessing with these wedding arrangements. Everything keeps falling into place, and thus far it really hasn't been a struggle at all. Though I don't think I have bridezilla tendencies at all! Things have fallen through and we've gone another direction and it hasn't fazed me in the slightest. So long as Tim and I get married, my family and friends are there, then I'm going to be happy.
But to keep this honest, Gosh it's nice to have things looking so Gosh-dang pretty, and the best part is it hasn't cost an arm, or a leg yet!...I'm excited about the big day.
I hope that my sharing is making you excited too :D
Engagement luncheons!
Welcome to the new year everyone! I just want to take a moment to speak love and blessings over you in Jesus Name!!
Hasn't the last year just flown by! and I hope that you all step into this brand spankin' new year, full of hopeful excitement, as you prepare yourself to love and live life to the absolute full!! be blessed, blessed, blessed!!
The 1st of the month, New years day no less, saw Tim and I celebrating with Family at Mum and Dads place in Forster. The parentals threw an engagement bash for us.
Complete with Cake and as I'm sure you are aware...everybody loves cake!!
The cake was a bit of a trial, as this is the lady we were looking to use for the wedding cake. And can I say (Belle if your out there, back me on this one) it was absolutely beautiful, tasted and looked stunning. So it's definitely a yes in our opinions. Now just imagine somthing like the above with a few more tiers.The funny thing is, Tim and I both shy away from the spotlight, so the entire day being devoted to us was somewhat...interesting (for lack of a better word) But fantastic all at the same time.
We both realise that we have an absolutely amazing network of support gathered around us as we step into this new phase. I actually find it hard not to let a few tears slip past when I think about it. We are so blessed, so, so blessed!
Thankyou for your friendship, for your love, you mean more than you know and I appreciate you so sincerely!
Thankyou Brother and sisters of my heart!
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
More Updates...
And the wedding preperations are coming along nicely. No I haven't tried on any dresses yet. In fact I'm a little scared about that part. What if I don't find one I absolutely love?!!...what if I look terrible in them all?!!...
Eventually I'll get there.
But what I have managed to find is the style of dresses that I was really, really wanting for the bridesmaids. Black - check. Cocktail length - check. Femine - check. A little unique - check. Ebay yielded these little beauties. So only time will tell whether or not you'll be able to spot them in the wedding shots.
What other updates can I give you...
Oh! the bridesmaids are locked in...and all the girls are so excited! it's actually alot of fun, because they're all so good at keeping me upbeat and in the best mood! so the wedding day is going to be an absolute blast! [not to mention the fact I'll be marrying the love of my life...that should be fun too!! :P]
Katie: An obvious one, apart from being my twin sis she's also my best friend in the whole world. I love her so much, and it just wouldn't be right without katie standing right there beside me.
Rea: I've known her since I was 3, and she's been one of the greatest friends of my life. No matter what we've always stayed in touch, and times are always grand when we're together.
Jess: Best friends since primary school, we were united in our wackiness [go the 'J-Team'], and no matter how much time has past, it always feels so good between us. Love chuckles.
Belle: Well this should be obvious too! Belle and I have been the best of mates since High school, and it's kept on going and going ever since. I love her to bits.
.............................................................................................................................
What's kinda cool is i noticed that the girls I chose to be my bridesmaids, actually span my entire life thus far. Rea: since I was 3, Jess: Since Primary school, Belle: Since high school... and Katie: for the entirety (sp?), all of them have carried right through to the present. Friendship truely is such a beautiful and precious thing...and while everyone I love can't be part of the bridal party, I do sincerely look forward to sharing this amazing day with all the people I love.
other updates...? Well the vases have been bought, for...well remember this?
**Minus all the pink erckiness!!
So we now have a vast number of boxes piled up in the corner, full of these vases;
And pretty soon I'll be buying something close to 400 Peacock feathers to turn these vases into a pretty spectacular centrepiece [well I hope so]
I shall keep you updated.
here ya go...take some love
xoxo
Eventually I'll get there.
But what I have managed to find is the style of dresses that I was really, really wanting for the bridesmaids. Black - check. Cocktail length - check. Femine - check. A little unique - check. Ebay yielded these little beauties. So only time will tell whether or not you'll be able to spot them in the wedding shots.
What other updates can I give you...Oh! the bridesmaids are locked in...and all the girls are so excited! it's actually alot of fun, because they're all so good at keeping me upbeat and in the best mood! so the wedding day is going to be an absolute blast! [not to mention the fact I'll be marrying the love of my life...that should be fun too!! :P]
Maid Of Honour
Katie: An obvious one, apart from being my twin sis she's also my best friend in the whole world. I love her so much, and it just wouldn't be right without katie standing right there beside me.
Bridesmaids
Rea: I've known her since I was 3, and she's been one of the greatest friends of my life. No matter what we've always stayed in touch, and times are always grand when we're together.
Jess: Best friends since primary school, we were united in our wackiness [go the 'J-Team'], and no matter how much time has past, it always feels so good between us. Love chuckles.
Belle: Well this should be obvious too! Belle and I have been the best of mates since High school, and it's kept on going and going ever since. I love her to bits..............................................................................................................................
What's kinda cool is i noticed that the girls I chose to be my bridesmaids, actually span my entire life thus far. Rea: since I was 3, Jess: Since Primary school, Belle: Since high school... and Katie: for the entirety (sp?), all of them have carried right through to the present. Friendship truely is such a beautiful and precious thing...and while everyone I love can't be part of the bridal party, I do sincerely look forward to sharing this amazing day with all the people I love.
other updates...? Well the vases have been bought, for...well remember this?
**Minus all the pink erckiness!!So we now have a vast number of boxes piled up in the corner, full of these vases;
And pretty soon I'll be buying something close to 400 Peacock feathers to turn these vases into a pretty spectacular centrepiece [well I hope so]I shall keep you updated.
here ya go...take some love
xoxo
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Christmas comes early.
Timmy bought me a Kitten!
This isn't actually him, but I googled and managed to find this piccy, which holds an uncanny likeness.
He's a 6 week old, black moggy. And boy-oh-boy is he brave. He was wandering up to dizzy, who's at least 4 times his size, giving him a good sniff over, while dizzy [the absolute wuss] was freaking out! Though Tim and I aren't entirely convinced that he's brave, rather just naive ;)
Anywhoo, after some consideration, going by his looks and [believed] boldness I've called him Bear.
And he's beautiful!!
I'll pop some piccies of him up just as soon as I can get some here.
This isn't actually him, but I googled and managed to find this piccy, which holds an uncanny likeness.
He's a 6 week old, black moggy. And boy-oh-boy is he brave. He was wandering up to dizzy, who's at least 4 times his size, giving him a good sniff over, while dizzy [the absolute wuss] was freaking out! Though Tim and I aren't entirely convinced that he's brave, rather just naive ;)
Anywhoo, after some consideration, going by his looks and [believed] boldness I've called him Bear.
And he's beautiful!!
I'll pop some piccies of him up just as soon as I can get some here.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Countdown
10 months till the wedding and I am so desperately excited!!
I cannot wait to be Tims wife!
I have been so blessed with and by this mighty man. and I just want to encourage any of you who are still waiting. I was single for what felt like the longest time and often I would begin to lose hope, as though I would have to lose some of my standards and desires and 'be more realistic' if I wanted to find a man.
Can I just say to you. Do not ever sell yourself short. Place your requests before God. I put mine there probably about 3 years ago and I think for a while I forgot about it.
God loves marriage and he loves love...funny that, since he created both. I do not believe for a second that God is cruel or malicious. Get this he WANTS to bless you!! he really really does.
Trust
Trust
Trust
Thats all I can say.
Please do not think for a second that I am being condescending...I do not mean to be that way at all.
I just really want to encourage you. Stay strong, and hold the faith. God always comes through on his promises.
This post is directed at someone...and you know who you are [at least you should]
there is someone out there for you! and he is amazing!! never ever give up yourself to anyone less worthy, you are a priceless jewel in the eyes of God and in my eyes too...and in Gods time, that bloke who agrees with us will rock up. I am sorry that Gods watch ins't syncronised with yours, but hold fast.
I love you more than you know.
Be all that you can be, through Gods grace and love!
overview...[blessings]
I'm back home in Forster. I have been for at least the last 2 weeks and I'll be here for at least another week.
Dad is on long service leave, so mum and dad packed up the car and have hit the road and they're travelling to a few of the nooks and crannies around Australia. Thus why I have been called back home, as I explain it, I'm "babysitting my little sister" To which most people who know me will say, "isn't your sister your twin, meaning she's the same age as you?"
The answer to that is indeed Yes.
Mum and dad were worried that Kate would get lonely, and I had no hesitation in coming to visit my best buddy for 3 weeks.
This morning as I stirred, glancing briefly out my bedroom window and guessing the time to be something around 8am, smiling softly at the thought I had beaten my alarm. However it seems the overcast weather deceived me quite effectively as the time was actually 12:30 and somehow I had slept through the alarm without even stirring. Being deceived so early into the day is not the greatest of starts, I would have been more annoyed had I actually had a reason for getting up before the alarm.
Instead I just lay there and it was in that moment that I was overcome with a sadness. Like a blanket it came over me.
I miss all the blessings of Armidale, of my time in Armidale. My friends.
I had left Armidale 2 weeks ago only moments after hugging Laura tightly and swearing to stay in touch. Loz was heading back to her hometown of Orange for the next 3 months and it was very posible that I would have moved away from Armi by the time she returned for her final year of Uni.
I realise that I'm at a big place right now. The decisions that I will be making over the next few months and the decisions I have made over the last few months are determining the course of my life...at least the next stage of my life.
As I look at permanent teaching positions, I have resided myself to the fact that I will probably have to accept something further west into the state, and I am quite confident and comfortable about that. I think, if I have learnt nothing else over the last 4 years it is this;
God is a truely gracious and merciful God. He always has the best for me and if I fight him less and trust him more, in time, I will see that what he offers me is what I really need and want.
I look back on the last 4 years and I can see Gods blessings all over it.When I think about how I would worry, how often during that first year I felt so alone and so hopeless. The time spent in prayer pleading with him to grant me real and authentic friendships...to grant me peace in Armi
Anyone who knows me well knows that for probably the first year of Armidale I couldn't wait to get out. And now as I sit at the tail end of my adventure I will be pained to leave.
I know that Armidale was exactly where God wanted me to be - in faithfulness I followed him there trusting that everything he promised me would come into being. Believe me when I say these things I am not trying to make myself into some sort of loyal saint. Rather to the contrary, I followed God there and in my heart of hearts I trusted him, but during the whole journey I often lacked faith and I often lacked the stamina...praise God I did make it, praise God that he gave me the strength I needed when I needed it. When what he probably really wanted to do was give me a good clonk over the head [I'm sure there were times when he did, as all good fathers should] Heck knows that for at least half the journey I was like that whingey kid in the back seat whining with "Are we there yet?!!!"
Whining didn't get me there any quicker and I can see that now. But sometimes it's easier to pretend to be a victim than to stand tall, be confident and know it's all going to work out beautifully, sometimes as faithful as God has always been, we need him to prove himself once more.
I can still remember what it was that proved to me once and for all that God was with me all the way. It was the break-up with Aaron. I can remember lying on my bedroom floor in flat 28 crying so hard that it hurt, crying untill tears ran dry and all that was left were dry, breaking sobs.
I can remember that as I lay there and just cried I knew, in the midst of all of that despair...God was there, I knew that he lay there beside me, he didn't speak he just cried with me.
When i awoke the next morning and pulled myslef off the floor where I had fallen asleep I was filled with a confidence I cannot describe, a confidence that God was with me for the long haul. Where people had fallen short and let me down, he never did and he never has.
It was as though the plug was pulled, and with that realisation came a clear flow of blessing.
I think that in order for me to really appreciate the things he had for me, I needed to realise that the greatest of all was simply his presence. I still earnestly believe that.
So as I prepare myself to possibly leave armidale at the dawn of the new year I want to say thankyou. I want to pray blessing and prosperity and joy and love in Jesus name over all those friends in Armidale who were nothing less than pure and holy and righteous blessings of God into my life. Who spoke love and life into me. Who invested and were invested in. Leaving armidale is not the end...far from it dear friend. You are my brothers and sisters, the bond we have runs thicker than blood and I will spend the rest of my life investing in what you are, what you do and who you become.
Thankyou dear dear, Laura, Felicity [fless], Rhen, tess, Wae-jae, Timmy, Timmi, Alex, Dan, Brit, Suzie, Sam, Bron, Siovahn, kerry, Christine, Dave, Nick, Nicole, Bec, Bree.
Also I want to thank you who I include in my Armidale bunch, because while you may not have physically been in Armidale you were also what helped me through, you too spoke the truths and blessings into my life and I want to include you in all the thankyou's and blessings - Paul, Bec, Mon, Kate [and my whole family], Belle, Rea, Jess.W.
But the biggest thankyou of All goes to the big dude, J.C.
You have given me incredible friends, and a beautiful and amazing fiance Tim
I love you, I trust you...even though sometimes it's hard when I face the future. I believe your promises and place all my hope in you...
Matthew 6:25
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Dad is on long service leave, so mum and dad packed up the car and have hit the road and they're travelling to a few of the nooks and crannies around Australia. Thus why I have been called back home, as I explain it, I'm "babysitting my little sister" To which most people who know me will say, "isn't your sister your twin, meaning she's the same age as you?"
The answer to that is indeed Yes.
Mum and dad were worried that Kate would get lonely, and I had no hesitation in coming to visit my best buddy for 3 weeks.
This morning as I stirred, glancing briefly out my bedroom window and guessing the time to be something around 8am, smiling softly at the thought I had beaten my alarm. However it seems the overcast weather deceived me quite effectively as the time was actually 12:30 and somehow I had slept through the alarm without even stirring. Being deceived so early into the day is not the greatest of starts, I would have been more annoyed had I actually had a reason for getting up before the alarm.
Instead I just lay there and it was in that moment that I was overcome with a sadness. Like a blanket it came over me.
I miss all the blessings of Armidale, of my time in Armidale. My friends.
I had left Armidale 2 weeks ago only moments after hugging Laura tightly and swearing to stay in touch. Loz was heading back to her hometown of Orange for the next 3 months and it was very posible that I would have moved away from Armi by the time she returned for her final year of Uni.
I realise that I'm at a big place right now. The decisions that I will be making over the next few months and the decisions I have made over the last few months are determining the course of my life...at least the next stage of my life.
As I look at permanent teaching positions, I have resided myself to the fact that I will probably have to accept something further west into the state, and I am quite confident and comfortable about that. I think, if I have learnt nothing else over the last 4 years it is this;
God is a truely gracious and merciful God. He always has the best for me and if I fight him less and trust him more, in time, I will see that what he offers me is what I really need and want.
I look back on the last 4 years and I can see Gods blessings all over it.When I think about how I would worry, how often during that first year I felt so alone and so hopeless. The time spent in prayer pleading with him to grant me real and authentic friendships...to grant me peace in Armi
Anyone who knows me well knows that for probably the first year of Armidale I couldn't wait to get out. And now as I sit at the tail end of my adventure I will be pained to leave.
I know that Armidale was exactly where God wanted me to be - in faithfulness I followed him there trusting that everything he promised me would come into being. Believe me when I say these things I am not trying to make myself into some sort of loyal saint. Rather to the contrary, I followed God there and in my heart of hearts I trusted him, but during the whole journey I often lacked faith and I often lacked the stamina...praise God I did make it, praise God that he gave me the strength I needed when I needed it. When what he probably really wanted to do was give me a good clonk over the head [I'm sure there were times when he did, as all good fathers should] Heck knows that for at least half the journey I was like that whingey kid in the back seat whining with "Are we there yet?!!!"
Whining didn't get me there any quicker and I can see that now. But sometimes it's easier to pretend to be a victim than to stand tall, be confident and know it's all going to work out beautifully, sometimes as faithful as God has always been, we need him to prove himself once more.
I can still remember what it was that proved to me once and for all that God was with me all the way. It was the break-up with Aaron. I can remember lying on my bedroom floor in flat 28 crying so hard that it hurt, crying untill tears ran dry and all that was left were dry, breaking sobs.
I can remember that as I lay there and just cried I knew, in the midst of all of that despair...God was there, I knew that he lay there beside me, he didn't speak he just cried with me.
When i awoke the next morning and pulled myslef off the floor where I had fallen asleep I was filled with a confidence I cannot describe, a confidence that God was with me for the long haul. Where people had fallen short and let me down, he never did and he never has.
It was as though the plug was pulled, and with that realisation came a clear flow of blessing.
I think that in order for me to really appreciate the things he had for me, I needed to realise that the greatest of all was simply his presence. I still earnestly believe that.
So as I prepare myself to possibly leave armidale at the dawn of the new year I want to say thankyou. I want to pray blessing and prosperity and joy and love in Jesus name over all those friends in Armidale who were nothing less than pure and holy and righteous blessings of God into my life. Who spoke love and life into me. Who invested and were invested in. Leaving armidale is not the end...far from it dear friend. You are my brothers and sisters, the bond we have runs thicker than blood and I will spend the rest of my life investing in what you are, what you do and who you become.
Thankyou dear dear, Laura, Felicity [fless], Rhen, tess, Wae-jae, Timmy, Timmi, Alex, Dan, Brit, Suzie, Sam, Bron, Siovahn, kerry, Christine, Dave, Nick, Nicole, Bec, Bree.
Also I want to thank you who I include in my Armidale bunch, because while you may not have physically been in Armidale you were also what helped me through, you too spoke the truths and blessings into my life and I want to include you in all the thankyou's and blessings - Paul, Bec, Mon, Kate [and my whole family], Belle, Rea, Jess.W.
But the biggest thankyou of All goes to the big dude, J.C.
You have given me incredible friends, and a beautiful and amazing fiance Tim
I love you, I trust you...even though sometimes it's hard when I face the future. I believe your promises and place all my hope in you...
Matthew 6:25
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)