Released...

I was quite literally welling-up big time around nowish, yesterday, after chatting with Tim on the mobile. I just continue to feel overwhelmed and moved by the genorsity of those in my life, and now our life as Tim and I continue to prepare for the wedding.

Obviously I feel touched and blessed by the obvious support of family and friends in the preperation of all things wedding and life thereafter, but it is the unexpected and suprising support which has moved me beyond words.

Right this moment as I type this I feel as though I'm verbally blundering my way to my point, but I feel utterly scattered. My emotions are flooding me and I just feel so light, so joyful.

Tim and I were looking a number of pending loans in the face, paying them off as best we could, working on our savings. Generally the loans were Uni based and of the parental variety which we were hoping to have paid off, if not before the wedding, then not long after.

Today Tims father blew us away with the news, that as our wedding gift he was going to nullify the loan outstanding to Tim and add to the mix some money to be put towards our honeymoon.

When Tim had told me, I was unashamedly speechless, his father was so humble as he stated, "Really it's not a huge deal, it was a $2000 loan, consider it gone"

But as I voiced to Tim, what he had offered was so much more than money, it was so much more than simply wiping a 2000 dollar loan, what it represented was a relief of burden. He was offering us a simply start to our life as husband and wife. No doubt that we will have financial ups and downs right throughout our life together, but it feels like such an incredible blessing.

My own parents are also blessing us incredibly both monetarily and emotionally. They have put so much into not only the wedding, but the beginnings of our life, they have poured blessings into our future home through furniture and love.

Tim and I are so grateful for so much, we are incredibly, incredibly blessed.

To anyone reading this right now, it must be blatantly obvious how flustered I still am, because I'm repeating the same words...obviously my vocab doesn't handle the shocks of blessing as well as I would hope...but I just feel, So humbled by everything, by the support and the love of those around us.

We are looked after, and I just adore you all!

I do not know what else I can say, but from the bottom of my heart thankyou, and I love you!

-Jess

Self Love

I spent Sunday afternoon hanging around with my Tim. As we pottered our way up the street to find something for lunch, we were chatting lightly about the week, brushing softly on the happenings. By the time we had wandered our way back to Tims flat we were well and truely into the deeper issues of our week.
Societies place for me as a woman is something which I will wrestle with my entire life, I do not doubt that for a second. However, what is changing in me is my thoughts, my opinions when it comes to what is said of me as a women.
I sort of got to the point when I was talking to Tim that I realised I was standing on my soap box a little bit, but he humoured me and listened intently, and even threw some encouragement and questions my way, which stirred me, in order to help the conversation remain two sided and not simply a preach.

I've been thinking about this for a while. Not constantly, but it always seems to find a place to linger, at least at the back of my mind. However, after this weekend it really has come to the forefront again.

As a woman I believe that I have accepted a lie as truth for far to long.
We as women are the absolute best at personally ridiculing ourselves. We pick and we pick and we pick at ourselves more than anyone else we come across in this life. We have accepted a lie, which has been manufactured and marketed by cosmetics and clothing companies, the fashion industry as a general whole. The lie reads;
"If you love yourself then your stuck-up. There has to be something wrong with you, take a look, there's no way you could possibly be the way that your meant to be. You must always have something to wish you could change"
it's so obvious why the lie has been invented, because once we hear the whisper of the lie, it's quickly followed with a; "You should buy this product, it will fill that void in you, it will make you happy, it will make you finally feel happy with yourself"

It's interesting how naturally we as women are ready to pull ourselves down. Tim pointed this out to me while I was mid way through my rave.
"Jess, I totally agree with you, the attitude does need to change, but it only can if people start to change. Do you realise how many times I've tried to give you a compliment and you've scoffed or you've pointed out something about yourself which you don't like..."
He's right, he's absolutely right.
I need to begin to change my thought cycle. I need to give myself a break and begin to focus less on what I think I should be, and more on what I am, what I have to work with and loving it.

When I picked Kate and Rea up from the airport we had this incredible conversation in the car, about this very topic.
It was during this chat that I realised how female understanding of self love is warped, it's confussed so easily with snobbishness. I don't think that i could put it any better than Kate said it herself;
"...Theres a difference between loving yourself and being stuck up. If you're stuck up, then you carry an attitude of 'I'm pretty wonderful, I want everyone to know it, and know that it makes me better than them'. Whereas an attitude of self love is being able to look at yourself and say 'I may not be perfect but I'm happy with what I've got, I'm going to continue to be the best I can be and I want to share the best I've got with others..."

Timmy's helping to keep me accountable to 'The Change'. Helping me to Focus on God to reach inside and stir up some attitudes and habits which have been hanging around for far too long, while outwardly focussing on giving myself a break, accepting a compliment and projecting this fresh attitude further. By taking on a healthy attitude of self love, I do believe that it, in some small way encourages other women to give themselves permission to love what they've got, and hopefully continue to project that on to the people around them. I may be getting completely carried away, but I do believe that when we are loving in a full and healthy way then there comes this God-given desire to push it outward, push it further than merely ourselves, and begin to really touch and bless those around us.

Love yourself ladies. It's not about thinking your perfect [coz none of us ever will be] it's about realising that no amount of makeup, clothing, jewellery, money, boyfriends, friends or whatever the lie is telling you to consume, is ever going to fill that void. I believe that only once we begin to love ourselves and give one another as women, permission to love ourselves - then we begin to break down this vicious wall of masked self destruction which has been built-up for far too long.

As consumers we are taught to speak like this, look like that, be interested in these things and you'll be a vibrant and attractive person.
But you were created unique, you were created to be like no other, similar sometimes maybe, but never exactly the same. Only once you give yourself permission to be the person who comes naturally only to you, will you truely step into a self which is truely dynamic and vibrant and beautiful and magnetic to all those around you. Because finally...finally after all this time spent hiding you now look so honestly comfortable in your own skin.

Shine beautiful woman...all it takes is to give permission to yourself. You deserve it, and I honestly hope that you're beginning to believe, see, feel and understand that!
I love you!

I can't get enough of...?

Right now, here are some of the things I'm loving!

Brooke Frasers new Album 'Abertine' ...Fantastic! I can't stop listening to it

Wonka, Nerds...mmmm

Chunky Knit Scarves

Boots

The new Pirates of the Caribbean, Number 3.

....

Speaking of Pirates, and another thing I'm loving.

I'm loving that I WILL be having a bit of a shin-dig for my hens night come september. With the theme of Pirates - fancy dress and a bit of a treasure hunt. My Maid of Honour, aka Katie has it under control...I'm pretty Excited!

I was tossing up whether or not to have one, and I know alot of up-and-coming brides who have opted against it, but after some consideration I've decided that since I'm only going to be getting married once I really want to do it all. Get the whole experience[minus the strippers]. Plus I'm sure I'm not the only one who loves the idea of any excuse to get all of my girls together in the one place for some laughs and good times... So Hens night here I come!

Best of Times...

Tim really is such a valuable thing...Time with the ones you love is even more priceless.

It has been a crazy ole' weekend.

Wednesday afternoon I popped over to Tullarmarine airport to pick up Rea and Katie, who were heading into Melbourne mid week, as Rea was heading on over to Virgin Blue Air Hostess interviews, Kate was tagging along as a cheerleader and I suspect for a bit of a kick back and relax with her biggest fan...me!

So I pottered my way over to the airport at about 2pm, grabbed myself a park and proceeded to hunt around the baggage carousel, looking for the raggamuffins. 20 minutes and 3 phonecalls later we were finally hugging and wandering towards the car park.

I had stupidly made the assumption that they were flying Jetstar. I had been unable to talk to Katie the night before, so was rellying on the information being relayed through Tim. We always seem to fly Jetstar, and since nothing had been said to the contrary I was left to believe, this visit would be no different. The frustration of not finding each other for so long, proved I really should always ask!!

The next 3 days were spent, pottering between Tims place in the city and my Aunty Jans place in Keilor.

Unfortunately Rea didn't get the air hostess job she was interviewing for - to say she was devastated, would be an understatement. When Kate and I headed over to pick her up, straight after she'd found out, the mood in the car was icy-cold. Kate and I were giving each other this look of "What do we do?!" and trying to keep the conversation light, without being completely insensitive to Rea's dissapointment.

Rea simply didn't want to talk about it, refused to speak at all - we could understand that she was really upset, we knew how much she wanted it, but we were getting really worried that bottling it up and spending the rest of the trip feeling the burden of not getting it, wasn't healthy either. After close to an hour, we ended up just laying it out there, and letting her know that we could see how upset she was by it all, and that we were both sitting there racking our brains trying to work out what we could do to cheer her up without annoying the bejeebers out of her. The mood lightened and pretty soon we found ourselves at the shops, engaging in some retail therapy.

Friday night saw us heading out to the Hawthorn, and after an incredibly long winded finale of 'Rock, Paper & Scissors" hitting the dancefloor. Kate managed to find herself near a bloke who spent the entire time behind her, checking out her kaboose. Perhaps we're getting old, but by about 12am we were all ready to get going. The music was pretty ordinary, but being played way too loud. So off we wandered, back to Aunty Jans. Everyone fell into bed by about 2am. Thinking we were about to do the same, Katie and I were in our Jammies and ready to call it a night, when [I'm not sure exactly how it happened] 4:30am rolled around and we were both still up chatting. I miss Katie alot when she's not around.

I miss her even more now that she's back in NSW.

It's funny how you can forget to miss someone, but then when your with them you suddenly realise that your lacking. I felt that as I sat and chatted with Kate on Friday night - there she was, right in front of me, in the flesh and as wonderful and beautiful and amazing as ever, and I just really really missed her. It's tough being so far apart. I will never love a friend more than I love her. She will always be a part of my life and she will always have one of the deepest and most treasured parts of me.

She is incredible and I thank God for every person who has the blessing of knowing her and loving her. She changes people with her joy, with her heart, her love. Both Katie and Rea do. I know that I'm so blessed to have them.

It's seems so incredibly cheesy to say, but we truely are and always will be, Best friends forever.

A New Colour, For A New Season

Having bored of the black, I've changed my hair colour [yet again] in persuit of something 'a little more natural'

But alas, I shall blab no longer and instead let the pictures speak for themselves. Opinions/verdicts are welcome.

The Cold Season

I made a couple of new best friends over the weekend.

...

Since I've started working casually for the Western Autistic School, as an emergency teacher I find myself waking at 7am every single morning. On a normal weekday I can expect a 7:15am wake-up call from Jaqueline if I am needed for the day. My body clock has adjusted and I now find myself lying awake from 7am onwards waiting expectantly for a call. Friday just gone was no exception, I awoke and lay in bed waiting. and Waited, and waited. Alas no call came. Almost joyfully I rolled back over to snuggle back into bed.

I had awoken that morning with a horrible dose of the cold which is being spread like wildfire through every primary school. Kids are constantly coughing and spluttering throughout winter, so really, it's only a matter of time until us teachers manage to catch the attention of a loose germy.

So here I was, feeling sick as a dog when I get a call from Tim. Having heard that I didn't get a call he asked whether I would be able to take his ute out and pick up the pushbikes.

About a fortnight ago, Mum had sent our bikes down with a courier company. They had arrived, we just hadn't had a chance to pick them up. I decided that as sick as I felt, this really was the only opportunity we could have for a while. So I decided to brave it and head over to Tims, pick up his ute and then try and navigate my way across to get the bikes.

First mistake: having decided their was no way I could manage the day without a couple of cold & Flu tablets, I had read the box which said that they were non-drowsy, only to have swallowed the tablets and then read, "May cause some individuals to feel drowsy" - Turns out I was one such individual...Though I didn't actually find that out until I was over in Richmond, in Tims ute, trying to find the blasted Courier company.

Second mistake: I had forgotten my Melways, which meant I was rellying on a printed out 'Whereis" set of directions, which turned out to be useless [or perhaps it was my grogginess which made them so ;)]

Anyway, to cut a long story shorter. After driving around for about an hour, feeling frustrated and annoyed and as though I could konk it any second, I headed back to Tims work. I had every intention of telling him I couldn't do it today. But once I got there, the medication, pain and [where the heck did it come from] emotion got the better of me, and I ended up having a good blubber on his shoulder. After humouring me with some consolling, he handed me his flat keys and sent me to nap at his place for the afternoon.

And so, I spent friday afternoon, snoozing the sinus pain away, with my 3 new besties, perhaps you know them;

Sudafed; Vicks and Kleenex

Before waking up to the flash bulb of a camera.

I'm still fighting off the cold as we speak, having woken with very little voice this morning. But I'm definitely winning, and feeling a heck of a lot better.

One word of warning however. In your rush to hit yourself up with the good ole vitamin C, take my advice and believe me when I say, too much of a good thing may just have you running for the loo. So take it easy ;)

Spunky strikes again! [it's a hit and a win!]

Life has been pretty full on lately. I'm working nearly everyday and living so far from Tim, means that we don't have a chance to see each other until the weekends roll around [finally].
But I really have to say it. I have the most wonderful and beautiful man in my life.
Tim rang me at lunch time to ask whether I wanted him to buy a will kit for the two of us...morbid! Apparantly a few fellas in his office were buying some and if they bought them in bulk they not only saved money in postage, but saved off the total cost. I gave the thumbs up- as it would mean one less thing to have to do later.
I have just had one doozie of a day. I was working at the Austistic School in Niddrie and I don't know whether it was the wind or the rain [trust me, they make a huge difference in kids behaviour] but the kids were feral, and my day was frustrating and painful [in the headache sense] When Tim had rung, so as not to come across a complete sook and winger Ididn't let on how gross it had been, but instead chose the eloquent phrase "I've had better, but I'll survive"

Anywhoo, to cut a long story short I received a phonecall from Tim half an hour after I finished work, I was just pulling into the driveway and he was asking if I had anything organised for dinner. I responded with a no, as it was Aunty Jans night to cook, but as she had a church meeting tonight, it was every man for himself.
Apparantly Timmy had been incredibly tuned in when he had chatted to me, and realised that my day was far crappier than I'd let on, and had therefore decided that I deserved some of the healing qualities of his presence and was on his way out with Chinese.

I'm going to blame my dodgy day and sore head, but I fair nearly cried. It was such a beautiful and needed gesture!

He's managed to turn an icky day into one which will end in smiles.

We've been doing a lot of work on our relationship, especially lately. Being so far apart and seeing so little of each other during the week, has meant that we're developing better time management, meaning that we've been trying to spend our time together in meaningful and productive ways. Now that doesn't mean that we never just chill out together, in fact most of the time we spend together, IS just hanging out, but we're less 'beat around the bush' in our communication, we say what we mean, and mean what we say. We're listening to each other better, listening to each others needs and really making an effort to communicate effectively. Our relationship just keeps going up and up.
We're in a really great place, and we're looking forward to getting to even better places. We realise it's not always easy, and we know that from experience. We've seen some pretty horrible places, but we've moved on from them, we've pushed our way through them all. We both made an agreement together and individually that "We WILL make this work" and that, I believe, makes all the difference.
Just keep on swimming, keep on caring and sharing and loving. Keep on respecting.
Love is such a beautiful thing.

I see the light!

The Wedding preps are beginning to fade into oblivion.

The wedding is all but completely planned.

All that is left to do is,

send out the invitation

Buy some respectable undergarments

and...

well I was sure there was another 'and'...there probably is, but I've momentarily forgotten. If there is one thing that I have learnt, it is that there is always something else which pops up along the way. Tim and I are naturally fairly flexible people, so the little hiccups have remained that, take a breath and we move on.

Got a phone call from mum today and we went through everything, in the hope that we can pin-point anything which is still sitting on the 'to do' list. The list is all but non-existant.

Date: 6th of October, 2007

Ceremony at: The Green Cathedral, With my Pastor Daryll to make it all official and The Musical genius Rob doing the muso stuff [I have no doubt that he's going to bring something truely beautiful to the day! apart from Amy I'm sure he'll bring some beautiful music too ;) ]

Reception to follow @: The Wharf Bar and Grill.

Basic theme: Arty Vintage

Nervous Breakdowns: 0...woohoo [I have the best support and organisation commitee, aka my gorgeous mum and sister katie, as well as the manager of The wharf Bar and Grill - Mary Anne - She's fantastic, they have utterly eliminated anything stressful!]

I popped online while I was home and was able to purchase an extra 100 peacock feathers, as well as 5 white peacock feathers [who knew there was such a thing as an albino peacock?! I do now!] The white ones will be going in my bouquet and Tims button hole. The bridesmaids will be wearing the normal peacock feathers in their hair as part of the hair pieces I have created, the groomsmen will be wearing normal peacock feathers in their buttonholes as well.

I decided to go with white peacock feathers for me, after Katie pointed out, "Seriously Jess, when else in your life can you ever wear ALL white and not look the fool?!!" the girl makes a great point, so the plan is that I'll be wearing white head-to-toe, bar any part of me [of course ;)]

In total, last count Mum and Dads place is being overrun by; over 500 peacock feathers; [ we managed to pick up 400 of them free, from the lady who looks after our dogs, what a blessing!!] 10 large 1/2 metre high glass vases, 4 sets of bridesmaids dresses, shoes, hairpieces and jewellry; a wedding gown[not to mention all the bits and pieces which go with it]; 20 metres of black lace table runners; 25 metres of heshin[sp?] to be used as a aisle runner at the ceremony[we were offered a $50 red aisle runner for the wedding, but opted for something, not only cheaper, but less clashing with the natural elements of the Green Cathedral]; 8 boxes of tea candles & shells in glass jars; 10 mirrors; a mass of ribbon, gold wire and yet more tea candles; and one incredibly excited family counting down the days till the wedding.

It is exciting and I have no doubt that everything is going to come together beautifully. We have a lot of support and love, with a tonne of people offering their help with any preps and organisations.

I honestly feel as though we've been able to make our money work for us, and we've been able to get something that we really adore and are going to cherish for years and years and years to come.

I read, that the average Australian wedding costs $28,000. I've just organised mine for $8,000 total - yep thats EVERYTHING!. Not bad, not bad at all! And we were told SO many times that it wouldn't be possible. I guess when you see the photos after the day you will be the judge of whether or not we spent our money wisely.

....

In other news I have had absolutely no reason to even attempt to get Casual work at any other school. Thus far this week, I have worked 4/4 days, with Tomorrow making it 5 for the week. Fantastic. I'm looking at $250 a day for a casual teacher. not bad money at all!

I've been told that I shouldn't expect my work load to drop for a while yet, as we're entering flu season and the school is in constant demand for casual teachers.

All I can say is God truely answers prayers and in all honesty, he has given me so much more than I even asked. I was hoping for 2 maybe 3 days work a week, and he goes and gives me 5. Fan-freaking-tastic!!!

lets chat soon!

Confetti!

I had the pleasure of watching 'Confetti' on the weekend.
Filmed as a mockumentary with the storyline revolving around a wedding magazine who embark on a competition for engaged couples to plan and undertake the most unique wedding. 3 couples are chosen; Matt (Martin Freeman) and Sam (Jessica Stevenson) want a Hollywood musical style, Josef (Stephen Mangan) and Isabelle (Meredith MacNeill) vie for a tennis theme, while Michael (Robert Webb) and Joanna (Olivia Colman) are "naturalists" and want their nuptials to be done in the nude. Trying to wrangle these three desparate couples into some kind of order are wedding planners Archie Heron (Vincent Franklin) and Gregory Hough (Jason Watkins) ...

Timmy and I watched it as a laugh, and were able to say without a doubt, that we are incredibly happy with the way our wedding shall be, the movie did not inspire us to reach for anything more unique :P

But I highly recommend it, There is so much chaos leading up to the big day, but at the end of it, I actually thought that all the weddings were incredibly entertaining, bliss to watch, with some of them even verging on beautiful.

...

My next wedded installment is to get my hands on the DVD series of 'Bridezillas' - I was motivated by Timmy's comment that i really haven't been stressed about the wedding at all, and he believes that most women probably handle themselves the same. He was telling me that if women are in love then they should be happy right and they'd just be happy to be marrying the man they love, that he's yet to meet a psycho bride to be and in fact, that he was beginning to believe they don't exsist. I had to hug him so hard coz he was just so adorably cute... in a naive sort of way...
So the plan is to use the "Bridezillas" to not only entertain myself, but prove to my dearly beloved that psychotic-wedding-day-perfection-hunters do exsist and that he's so incredibly blessed that I'm not one of them :P thus encouraging him to ravish me with attention and gifts because he's just so glad to have me...obviously my reasons are highly honourable and I'm doing it for his own good, to elleviate any naivity he may have and there is absolutely nothing in it for me, other than some DVD entertainment because...well I'm such a wonderful person and really can't help it...but of course :P

Oh I'm so full of it, I know!The DVD should be a hoot none the less, if only because I can't believe anyone can be so angry about a wedding!

My God of Kindness...

So I wandered back online after my couple of days too-busy-to-get-on with the intention of sharing some exciting news in my life, only to discover that i have been trumped big time by Bec with news of her engagement. Reading about it was enough to bring tears to my eyes. Two people so desperately in love is enough to leave anyone around them feeling smitten, it's beautiful and I want to wish every happiness and blessing to them both. Congrats Bec and Geoff!

So back to my exciting news, which somewhat pales in comparison [thanks alot Bec! :P ]
Today I worked, yes I said it...worked, my very first day at "Western Autism School" in Niddrie, just one suburb over from Aunty Jans place, where I'm staying - so we're looking at approx 10 minute drive to get there, not bad, not bad at all.

It's not a permanent position, at the moment I'm just doing CRT teaching, which for all you New South Whelshmen/women translates to Casual Relief Teaching.
But Just working this one day has boosted my self esteem through the roof. I was at the point where I was utterly itching to be working and now, finally I find myself in the position that I actually am.
The only pitfall of being a casual is that I can't gurantee how much work i will get, I only find out the morning I'm set to begin, with a 7am wakeup call. If I don't hear anything by 8am then I know I can sleep in that day.
But the positives are great. No lesson planning, no staff meetings, I leave when the kids do and all the staff at the school are fantastic and friendly, it's great!

So this won't be a long rambling post, just a quick one to fill you in, and to say a huge thankyou to you for your prayers and your encouragement. Ideally I'm still looking for something more permanent, but for now I'm just so glad to be doing something, and making some money, it's Fantastic. God's looking after me thats for sure.
I pray that he's looking after you too.
Lets share prayers :)

Dust yourself off & get back on

We all know the story of David [1 samuel]


It's been the topic of a million sermons, a million bible studies. I'm sure that we've all heard his tale told to remind us to be vigulent in regards to sexual temptation, but tonight I was reminded of Davids tale by 'Sons of Korah' and utterly captivated and inspired to be like David.

Now don't freak out people, I'm not planning on doing the dirty with someone else's husband, but rather, what I have been inspired by is Davids actions after his devastation, the price of his sin.





For anyone who may need reminding of the whole story, heres my summarised version.





David was King, God had shown great favour and blessed him incredibly by placing him on the throne. Usually David headed off to battle with his army, but one day when the rest of the army was getting kitted up and set to ride off to victory, David decided he was pretty knackered and could use a bit of a sleep in. So the rest of the army heads off and David stays home. After a leisurely sleep in, he decides to go for a bit of a stroll around on the rooftop to get some fresh air and warm himself in the sun.


As he wanders out and begins to look over his kingdom, he notices, on a nearby rooftop, a beautiful woman bathing. Now this woman wasn't just nice looking, we're talking drop-dead gorgeous!


David decides that he wants to have her, he must have her...


Being the king, he is met with very little argument, and upon investigation he discovers she's married to one of the men inlisted in his Army. Wanting to have Bathsheba completely to himself, he decides to use his influence to get rid of her husband, he orders him to the front lines of battle, and pretty soon he's dead - just as David planned.


David has avoided his God, and with it, he feels as though he is falling apart.


One day his friend Nathan arrives and hits David with some pretty full-on truths. David starts seeing the error of his ways- big time! He confesses his sin to God and is granted forgiveness.


But there is a price, Davids sin had caused the enemies of God to show utter disdain, through his actions, David had despised his God. So God strikes the child with sickness. David strips down to a sackcloth and spends the next 7 nights pleading with God for the life of his child.


On the 7th day the child dies.


David is told of the childs death, he picks himself up off the floor of his home, he goes and he splashes his face with water, he changes his clothes, he walks into the house of God and he worships his Lord.





In my opinion this is one of the most amazing stories told in the bible, and it is here, at the conclusion that I am able to say "I want to be like David".


Yes I screw up, yes I get it really really wrong at times. Sometimes I allow my sin to seperate me from God, and in my pride I allow myself to believe that I can float along seperated from him and not feel the pain of that space in between us.


Till I give it up and realise that I need him, so desperately in my life.





But perhaps the even bigger stirring Davids tale created in me, came in his reaction to the death of his son. He begged God not to take him, and his son was taken anyway. David didn't get snotty, he didn't get angry, he didn't reject God. No. He took a deep breath, he prepared himself, picked himself back up and worshipped his God. No wonder God called this guy "A man after my own heart".





I want to be so desperate to serve God in complete faith and love, that even when things don't go the way I want, even when I don't get what I really, really want. I'm able to pick myself up, dust myself off, without anger or disdain, and continue to step out in worship and service to my king - knowing that he has never sold me short, never given me less and that he continues to love me and guide me, in his truth.





I want to live for my Gods way, and continue to lay down my own.


I want to be cheerful through every stage and phase of this life.


Because I am loved and I am watched over. I can trust his word. For his word is truth.


p.s. I recently read a story about Darlene Zchech in which she told of visting her doctor one day while she was pregnant, only to discover that she had miscarried, in her grief as she drove home she felt God calling her to sing, to sing in worship to him. And she did.

This heart of worship is not an outdated concept. Let the heart of David be an attitude we continue to embrace, today.

Timmi comes to town.

I can get really slack when it comes to my blog postings sometimes...

I can also get really slack about catching up with people, now that I'm here in Melbourne. I was thinking about it the other day, and I really haven't seen anyone yet. So mush of my time since I've been here, has been wrapped up in the job hunt during the week and then heading into the city to catch up with Tim on the weekends. I shall have to pull my finger out and get in contact with some Melbournians and do the catch-up thing.

Last weekend was ever so exciting however, a touch of the 'good ole days' came to stay for the weekend.

Timmi, made the treck, first driving from Armidale to Newcastle, then catching a flight from Newie to Melbs.

It was so great to have him here for the weekend.

On friday night, the original plan was to head over to the Corner Hotel for the Blindside gig. My timmy having told us that he knew just where to go, only to get lost and potter about all over the show. By the time we actually managed to find the place, all of us had pretty much lost our enthusiasm and decided to grab a slab of beer and head back to Tims place in Kew. These Melbournians don't know half of the good beers going, with the guys in the bottle shop looking utterly perplexed when we asked them about carlton draught...the carlton brewerly is just down the street!! So we settled for carlton black.

Timmi and I were sitting around in the loungeroom while My Tim got changed and started reading the description on the back of the blacks label, only to realise that it mentions that it's a mocha tasting beer...and whatta ya know, when we took a sip after that, for the first time ever we both actually noticed it!

You live, you learn.

After a while Leah [Tims new flatmate] came wandering out and told us that rather than staying in, we should head out to one of the pubs in Hawthorn, she pointed us in the direction of 'The Hawthorn' and off we trotted.

3 people don't fit across a footpath very well, as we learnt during the short walk to the pub. The boys were fine, but it was me who copped mouthfulls of leaves as the shrubs which lined the left hand side of the path would smack me in the face. But 15 minutes and 16 mouthfulls of leaves later, we arrived and wandered in.

Our initial thoughts, "They must not check ID because everyone looks 12" Obviously this was the trndy spot for 18 year olds set to test out those ID's. But we settled ourselves in and headed out to the beer garden, and after about 20 minutes they closed it and ushered us all inside.

The night was spent in ammusing conversation as the three of us caught up on life and made fun of one another, And taking it in turns to buy rounds. Our lame joke of the evening came in the form of continuing to order schooners of beer, even though the state of victoria doesn't seem to know what a schooner is...what an odd state this is! the perplexed expression from whoever was serving at the bar, continued to ammuse us all night.

Pretty soon Kareoke started and to the boys horror, a bloke wandered up to sing "MMM Bop" by Hanson. To add even more horror to their evening I admitted to once being convinced that I was to marry Taylor Hanson. I used to wear the Hanson ring and everything...they wandered away and refused to come near me, for heck knows how long. So I embraced the opportunity to sing loudly along to the brain-sticking lyrics of MMM Bop.

At about 1-2 am the Hawthorn closed and we all wandered home.

The rest of the weekend was laid back and fun. Timmi was out most of the day, as he was in town mainly for a RPM training course at Fitness First.

But I had the pleasure of a Deep and meaningful with the lad on Sunday night, and enjoyed it thoroughly. He's a great guy, incredibly complex with so many elements which made him difficult, at times to read. Made me appreciate knowing my Timmy so well. I love what I know, I love who he is.

Drove Timmi to the Airport on Monday and it was pretty sad to have to say goodbye. I think he's that close to packing up and moving to Melbourne. It's pretty obvious that the two Tims really miss having each other around.

But all in all it was a great weekend...

Next weekend...Well I'm thinking that I'll be taking my boy over to St Kilda, he still hasn't been, so a lazy afternoon, strolling around sounds like a good day to me.

The Egg Hunt

Like a bunch of giddy children we absolutely obliterated our way through the house in search of our chocolate rewards - each milky find only upping the already sky-rocketing sugar levels to psychotic proportions...

Okay, so I'm over-exagerating slightly, but this year the Easter Bunny came in the shape of my Aunty Jan.

Tim and I had spend the early morning of Easter sunday, meeting up with his brother Jeff and Jeffs girlfriend Ruth as we tooled around in Queen Vic Markets. After a leisurely stroll about the place, we pottered over to a cafe and grabbed some warm drinks and enjoyed a good chat, before leaving the city to head back over to Aunty Jans place for lunch.

It was fantastic to see Jeff and Ruth while they popped into Melbourne for a romantic weekend away.

But alas, we were heading back to Aunty Jans near bouncing with anticipation.

Aunty Jan had hidden 50 mini-solid eggs, 14 medium sized eggs and 1 large egg per hunter [6 large eggs in total] all these eggs were scattered in all nooks and crannies of the house just waiting to be grabbed and scoffed just as soon as Ash and Norma would arrive so we could start.

It was a funny business as we all pottered around the house waiting for the final two hunters, in the days event, to arrive. We were all pretending that we had forgotten all about the hunt, while, as sneekily as possible squizzing around the whole room trying to spot eggs.

Finally Ash and Norma arrived, at around 3o'clock. And the mob of us gathered in the kitchen.

The Hunters Were;

Manda

Norma

Gav

Tim

Ash

& Me

Aunty Jan gave us the rules as we all played up stretching and limbering up before the big race. All eggs were free for all, except the one big egg for each hunter. If you found someone elses egg then you had to leave it where it was and not say a word - Ash mimed smashing the eggs of anyone else he found...I decided that if I eventually got to my egg and found it in a rubble of smitherines, I would know that Ash had arrived there first :P

Aunty Jan went on and on and on an on for what seemed like forever with the rules, to the point that the masses were starting to rebel "...Come on wouldcha! we want our choccy..."

in a fit of laughter Aunty Jan finally yelled "Go!" accompanied by a boisterous waving of the arms.

Everyone shot off in all directions, straight to the spots where they had managed to snoop out the eggs earlier in the day. The chaos was hilarious! who knew that a bunch of...well come to think of it, Adults [not one of us was under 21] could get so excited about easter eggs hidden around a house.

It was the best fun I've had in a long time. Once the egg hunt was over the after pottered along lazily beginning with a BBQ, then some Telly and napping in the sun, stuffed like piglets. At about 8pm Aunty Jan pulled out the Scattergories and we ended the night listening to Gavs ammusing attempts at scoring doubles with ridiculous alliteration. The real star of the show however was my Tim, one day I swear I'll beat him!

So all in all, it was a fantastic Easter. As Tim and I had driven out to see his brother earlier in the day we had prayed that God would stir in us a very personal understanding and gratefulness for what this day meant, and as we ended the evening, we both felt it right down deep.

Christs sacrifice was about communion and relationship, he gave up his life so that we could know and understand relationship with God...today Christ revealed, yet again, the joy of communion, relationship and just a tonne of fun, with our families.

And as far as I'm concerned, thats no coincidence, after all, he's called us to be his friends...to be his family.

What a truely beautiful easter indeed!

Moving House

I decided that it was time I shared some of the happenings of life in Melbourne.

I'm still on the job hunt and still optomistic. So I won't over think the situation, once school holidays are over I'll be a lot clearer of some of my possible prospects. More news to come I'm sure.

In other news I spent the day helping Tim move from his old share flat in Abbotsford, into his new share flat in Kew.














Tim was sharing a flat with Leigh and Alanna and things were pretty dandy, I had gotten the distinct impression that something wasn't quite right about the araangements, which I shared with Tim pretty early on, he could see where I was coming from and did agree, but there was no point rocking the boat.
It was an even split. Tim paid half the bond and half the rent and then they split the bills 3 ways. All was pretty dandy untill about a month ago.
Leigh and Alanna both play in bands, so it was pretty normal for them to be out gigging most weekends and getting in late, Tim had no problem with it, until they started bringing home friends and laughing and carrying on until, he thinks, sometime around 4am when he was finally able to get some shuteye.

The next blow came within days.

Being Tims fiance` we tend to be found within close proximity of one another as often as we can, if we had a chance we would spent less time apart, but we had limited my visits to just weekends. Again this seemed to be working well until about a month ago, when I happened to pop in, over four days instead of the usual 2.
Tim was swiftly approached by Leigh, who said that having another couple around the flat made them feel uncomfortable as though they couldn't fully relax and that I should only come over once a week.
Tim and I agreed that for him to pay half of everything and not be allowed the freedom to have friends around his, supposed, 'home', was ridiculous.
We really couldn't make heads or tales of the whole thing, when we're completely honest. Whenever I came over, we either headed out somewhere else, or we could be found watching telly or movies from his room. We weren't even invading the house. In fact I don't think I barely made a peep when I was there, I can only recall ever seeing Leigh or Alana a handful of times during the whole time I was ever around the place.

I suspect they were on a power trip.

However their issues screamed to Tim "...Don't make this your home, just pay the rent, stay in your room and don't get in our way..."

So we prayed.
The situation between Leigh and Alana didn't improve, they even went so far as to say that this was the same problem they had with their last flatmate, and that because his girlfriend continued to come over more than once a week they had to ask him to leave.
Tim chose to cut his losses and break loose - within the week he managed to find a girl in his motorbike club who's looking for a flatmate. He moved in today.

The whole moving swashbang took, in total, probably 2-3 hours...like ripping off a bandaid, quick and easy.
I had the chance to meet Leah [just to keep things confusing], Tims new flattie and she's lovely, very easy to get along with, open and friendly.
It was interesting that within the first day being in his new place, I helped him unpack all his things, so that nothing is sitting in boxes any longer. While he had continued to live out of boxes the whole time he was sharing with Leigh and Alana. His new place definitely feels more like home to him, in one day, than he ever felt in the 3 months at the other.

Perhaps the greatest part of this whole shannanigan is that Timmy and I have been able to see the positives.

• That flat was needed, it put a roof over his head and was so close to work [5 minute walk]


• For a while there he had no transport, so being so close meant that he didn't have to stress about getting to and from work while he was adjusting to the stresses of a new job.


• He's settled and feels comfortable and happy in the workplace, so moving now means that one aspect of his life is stable, allowing him to handle this complicated aspect more effectively [God never allows more than we can handle ;)]

And the best one...

• We can see the impact our attitude and issues can affect those around us, and seeing Timmy's old home has convicted both of us and encouraged us to make the decision once we're married, when we create our own home together, to make it a place where people feel welcomed and comfortable. We have a better idea of the sort of home we want to build, and it's definitely opened our eyes to the aspects of our own emotions and personalities which can help and allow that to happen.

This whole situation has been a growing time, which is fantastic, God definitely uses all things for his glory! And he whacks the nasty outta them and pumps some good in. Heck knows, Tim defintitely appreciates this new home, and he's actually started calling it that, which is beautiful. This is the first place in Melbourne I've ever heard him refer to as 'home'.

Now he's finally feeling comfortable and happy. Makes me feeling utterly blissful.

Surely, life is never easy - but if we look we're sure to find the good mixed up amongst the trials. They refine us.

Oh for the record, his new place is in Kew, which I've been told is a bit of a poshy area...all I know is it's beautiful, really lovely homes and streets - so green! and the best part - He has a bigger room, more modern and cleaner flat, yet pays less rent there, than he was paying in Abbotsford! - God your a champ!

Obsessive

It seems that a few memes have been passed around the wonderful world of the internet, and thus far I have successfully managed to evade them. Tonight however I noticed that I had been tagged by a certain friend [You know who you are *insert death stare* :P ] and I feel in the right sort of mood to oblige, so here goes...

Obsessions

1) When I was 12 I went to the proper dentist [up until 12 we used to go to the free kids dentist] and discovered that I had 3 deep and long exsisting [he said they were started years ago] cavaties (sp?) I got all three fillings without 'the needle' and since then I have to brush my teeth for at least 4 minutes everytime I brush[usually twice a day]. I realise that it's a healthy obsession as I should be brushing well...but it has to be 4 minutes which means I find myself unable to do the quick brush and dash if I'm in a rush.

2) I worry about having hangers or crud on my face. I'll often ask friends or family "Have I got a hanger" then twist my head about so they can have a good gander. I've seen so many people who have stuff on their face, or a hanger waving from their nostril with each breath and no ones told them. I hate the feeling of 'feeling' something but not being able to get it off, usually only to ask someone and they tell me they can't see anything.

3) Slurpies...enough said

4) If I ever find myself bored or lacking brain power I find that I tend to count. Often without realising. For example, the other day I decided as exercise, I would grab a skipping rope and do that for 15-20 minutes. Before too long I was counting every skip i did. I'll count the number of people in a room, how many have blonde/brown/red/black/no hair, how many are male/female, how many look as bored as I feel. I'll lock in on something, someone is doing and count how many times they repeat that particular gesture/movement. When walking on a footpath I'll count how many normal steps I can fit within each square of concrete before stepping into the next. when driving, I'll use signs or barriers or other vehicles and count how many seconds between me seeing them, and passing them....I'm sure i do more when I'm bored that I haven't even really noticed yet. ;)

Can't really think of anything else right this second - I'm sure there's more things...theres got to be, if I think of them I may add them.

And now, I tag Belle, Fless and Burkie

Graduation anyone?!

Is it just me or is it weird the way one piece of paper can represent 4 years of long hard work?!

I graduated on Friday. Finally it all became official.

I caught the plane back from Melbourne on Wednesday, landing in Newcastle. Mum made the treck down to pick me up and then we headed out to lunch with Matty. Sadly Timmy had to work and so couldn't arrange to be at my Grad - so I've left him for a week while I head to Mum and Dads.

Thursday was spent bumming around being useless and then on Friday we were up at 5am and on the road by 6 - picking up Rea along the way, with a loaded car chatting excitedly, which is slightly surprising considering how most of us handle early starts.

We arrived in Armidale at about 9:30am and I spend the next half hour wandering about registering and picking up my academic dress. By 10am we were seated and the show was ready to roll.

[can you spot me?]

rather than graduating under her maiden name as I thought she would, Bec was doing the whole shebang under her married name, which meant she was seated one person away from me -fan-freaking-fantastic!!

We were given the instructions that when we go up to receive our degree it's customery to acknowledge the Dean of the University by either bowing, curtsying or touching your trencher [hat] I told Bec the safest bet would be to do all three, but she retorted with, "Nah, I reckon I'll wave, wink and blow him a few kisses".

The whole ceremony lasted about 2 hours, after which we wandered about getting piccies and catching up with all the people we haven't seen in yonks! it was great.

By about 1pm our little mob was left with Mum, Dad, Kate, Rea, Felicity, laura and myself, so we headed over to the St Kilda for lunch.

After lunch as we were wandering down the street, and passing the White Bull Pub I spotted Bec and Trev, Rissa and Paul lounging around all over the Sofa's, so I popped in and spent the next 1/2 hour having a good 'ole chin-wag, I've missed my girls alot.

The afternoon was spend lounging around laura's room, before we grabbed a shower at Mary White College, which turned out more interesting than we planned. Laura didn't have any spare towels, so Rea and I ended up using our worn clothes to dry ourselves before changing into our new stuff...grotty eh! but we really had no other options...so instead we laughed about it.

[with fless and waje]

Had to wait for a bus to get into town, before meeting Waje and Fless for dinner. Had a great time carrying on and laughing as waje knicked my slushi and used it as a topping for his fries.

Eventually Tim gave me a call, which only aided in me missing him more before letting us know Alex wanted to catch up, so if we popped past his flat in the next 10 minutes or so, he can let us in through the security door.

We took him up on his offer. Was sad to leave Fless and Waje I do miss them alot, though they've been invited to visit in Melbourne and I do hope that at some point they take me up on the offer.

At Alex's place, Alex and Dan were being nerds on the computer, but stopped to humour us with conversation, before grabbing a deck of cards for us. We then spent the next hour or so playing 'loser' before suzii arrived in the flat and proceeded to teach us a newbie game, which while conplicated to begin with, actually eventually made a lot of sense.

The plan was to head to the Newie, but after hanging around the flat just goofing off and enjoying each others company, Rea Kate and I soon became pretty happy to just hang around the flat. We had been hoping to catch up with Timmi at the Newie but he had rung and cancelled because he had to work late and was buggered. Laura wanted to head out and was becoming increasingly more abrupt as time went on, at one point even stating "Look, I'm going to make a threat, either we leave for the Newie now, or you guys sleep outside for the night"...it didn't go down well with us and we quickly told her that if she wanted us to actually come out with her then using threats like that really doesn't fly well. Either your allowing us to crash at your place or your not. We don't like to be bullied. Since she wanted us to come out we agreed and decided to make the most of it -hitting the dance floor as soon as we got in.

I don't know what was going on with laura that night, she must have had more issues to handle than I knew because she became more and more cranky as the night progressed.

By about 2am we were all pretty knackered and ready to head home having been up since 5 that morning. After making such a huge deal about us coming with her, we lost Laura more times than we can count, at one point she was gone for so long we actually thought she may have left us there and gone somewhere else [she's been known to abruptly leave clubs before] Eventually we managed to track her down on the verandah with this 'Ben' we had heard her spak of quite a bit that day. For the next half hour or so , we hit emotional chaos. Laura didn't want to go home. We suggested that we take the keys and swipe card and head to bed and then when she arrived she could ring her room phone and we'd let her in. She forgot her swipe card rendering that idea useless. plus she didn't want to leave. She was really pushing the fact that we were her guest so we should comply with her plans and since hers were to stay then we should just handle it. We were exhausted, we were all in high heels and our feet cained...we just wanted to go to bed we were trying to explain that by going home we really weren't hindering her plans, we hadn't seen much of her since entering the newie anyway, it would just mean she'd just prank us when she arrives. Loz really couldn't see our side. We didn't want to ruin her night, we just knew when it was time to end ours, didn't mean hers needed to be over. But the conversation just dragged on and on with me feeling increasingly more and more dissapointed that such a little part of the night was engulfing so much of it. Honestly I was dissapointed that Laura couldn't see we were exhausted and just allow us the freedom of going to bed. We hated that she was using her room as the carrot in front of the donkey - leading us on and making us jump through hoops, "Do you want to stay at my place or not?!"

I think Lauras dilemma was whether to come home with us, or hang out with the boy. It hurt that the decision seemed so difficult. We weren't banning her from seeing him, we would be gone the following morning and she wouldn't be 'put out' as she put it anymore

At some point Laura actually told us that we should have probably just planned to stay with someone else who we wouldn't be putting out. Ouch

So the three of us were at the end of the line and just decided, Okay we will. There was definitely tension and we decided that it would be better for everyone if we just left. The drama was too much.

We didn't really know exactly where we should go, so I rang the person in Armidale who I thought could very possibly still be awake and not mind us crashing their place, Suzii. She is such a champion, she sounded like we'd woken her when she answered the phone, but she was lovely none the less. I felt terrible. But as Rea put it, we didn't have a clue where we were going to go and if Suzii hadn't of answered we all would probably have collapsed in a blubbering mess. Praise God, she picked up the phone!! :D So we caught the bus to Mary White, picked up all our stuff, then caught a taxi [Rea trying to chat up the driver] over to Suzii, Alex and Melinda's place, and Suzii let us through the security door.

The image was actually quite ammusing. The three of us trudging down the street with masses of bags, pillows and sleeping bags. Rea hated it, vocalising it with "I feel like I'm homeless wandering the streets with everything I own".

A 40-something year old bloke tried to crack onto the 3 of us as we wandered the street with all our stuff with;

Bloke:"Oy, where you lovely ladies going with all that stuff?"

Rea: "We're moving - outta our old house and into the new"

Bloke: "moving?! at this time of night?"

Jess: "Yep, got evicted"

and on we walked, he tried but he caught us at the wrong end of the night -well, lets be honest...none of us were ever going to go there no matter how good our night could have been ;)

I think all 3 of us sighed as we walked through the door - the drama was over. The incredible thing was, as tired as suzii was she never stopped shining her beautiful smile and made us feel so welcome in her home. She's amazing.

The irony was that after all the drama and stress of moving and adjusting to life in Melbourne I honestly thought that the night would be a night of zero stress, just hanging out and enjoying the company of friends and instead it turned into this mess of a night.

Though, as in all difficult circumstances, you see the positives. Kate, Rea and I stuck together, no matter how stressed or irritated we got we continued to support and uphold each other and I felt the love of their friendship.

It helped me to appreciate Tim even more, with the reminder that he is a rock in my life and I know that I can count on him through anything. I actually got a little teary throughout the course of the night wishing that he could have been there, coz as sappy as it sounds a hug would have made the difference. But My girls, Kate and Rea were with me and I love that we ended the night with a group hug and some 'love you's' - these are some of the most amazing girls I know and I do love them ridiculously.

I will chat to laura soon and we'll sort through some things. I think that I was just really dissapointed - I still love her, she's my sister - but even the best of us hurt each other sometimes it's the nature of being human. Only Gods ways are perfect and he came through for us friday night/saturday morning he put a new roof over our head I thank him desperately for the incredible friendships he has granted me in this life.

Suzii headed to work on Saturday, while grabbing breakfast we bought some flowers for suzii and Cadbury Creme eggs for the rest of the flat to say thanks for taking care of us and letting us crash there. Even though Alex had no idea we stayed the night, he had still let us crash 'boys night' with Dan and we wanted the whole flat to know we appreciated their hospitality intentional or not ;)

So at 10am Saturday we headed back to Forster, knackered after only having 3 hours sleep...but we were chipper and enjoyed each others company. These girls are amazing, kate and rea. We all realised we were tired so nobody got snappy or short with anyone, we just enjoyed the groggy company of one another before falling asleep all over each other in the back seat, waking at nabiac where we voted in the state election, then met Rea's dad and she headed home.

Barring the 2 hours of emotional chaos we had a great time over the weekend. The big dissapointment was that with the move to stay across town it meant I didn't get to catch up with Rhen before her graduation from Nursing. I was looking forward to that, but all the drama made it incredibly difficult. I do hope that I will be able to see her soon.

What a weekend...chaotic fun.

Let the Tears flow.

Today marks exactly one week in Melbourne. To date I have applied for 11 teaching positions and received 2 -"... We appreciate your application however must inform you that you have not been successful..." rejections.

I'm struggling a little bit.
I'm trying to stay as positive as possible, continuing to believe that there IS a job out there for me. I realise that things like this take time, but I'm really finding it hard to not feel useless and as though I'm an utter bum.

Prayer.

Thats what I want to ask for.

If anyone who reads this, whether you know me, well or not so well, heck even if you don't know me at all, if you happened to stumble across this blog and just stopped for a bit of a potter.

Prayer.

Thats what I want to ask for.

That I would remain steadfast in my faith and my trust in God and his divine timing. That I would not allow my self worth to be erroded during this time of searching. That I would find peace and hope and joy in every day that I am here.

I realise that life IS an adventure and I am so glad to be doing it with God and Tim and all of you standing beside me and encouraging me. I thank you sincerely, right from the heart.

Life is definitely different here in Melbourne. I've managed to get lost driving around the city - so many times I am beginning to lose count, however I am convinced that if forced, I could still count the number of times on two hands.

Isn't it funny the way loss of control forces you to draw closer to God. Ideally we should never draw away from him, but when I am transparantly honest the truth is I do. I become proud in my own capabilities and relly on my self more and push God further back as I work through life. He's always there, but sometimes I try to walk ahead of him, I try to do the leading...I end up lost and then turn to him for help, only to realise that he's walked the path before me, the path I now tread.

At one point I ended up completely lost, my mobile had no reception so I couldn't ring and ask Tim for directions. It was 11pm at night, I was tired and exhausted and pretty soon I could feel the hot tears streaming my cheeks.
I was giving myself such a hard time for being "So Stupid!" and then like a hailstorm I felt God fall hard and before I knew it I was sobbing uncontrollably.

I had been so stressed, yet in my attempts to 'keep it all together' I'd failed to really allow myself to feel validated in my angst and nervousness.
Can I just say that after a couple of minutes I wiped the last of the tears, sat up took a couple of deep breathes, restarted the car and felt SOOOO much better.
I will never underestimate the healing capabilities of a good cry.

More than anything else I felt God speak this to my spirit;
"Your in a completely new place, it's a stressful time, but I'm here and I've got you.
Don't give yourself such a hard time, take a chill pill girl [yep Gods become a funky americal black woman ;)] Don't expect to get everything right first time everytime. Allow yourself time. Be kinder to yourself, after all if you were perfect, how boring would your life be - I made this adventure for you,...embrace the adventure, enjoy it!"

I chucked a U'ie dropped the pride, stopped into a service station and asked for directions. Pretty soon I was back on track and made it home.

so, just so you know. I don't have it all together just yet. I'm still feeling a little stressy and nervous about the job front, about the living in a new city front.

But truth is, I will be okay, infact I WILL be more than fine. God has my back. He has looked at me, he has seen that what he has started in me IS good and he has promised to finish this! He's not done with me or Tim or you yet, he's still going before us and in his time we'll see what he's got.


I love you.