Melancholy

I'm back in Armidale.
I'm definitely hitting a low point. I feel so flat, so tired and on the verge of tears so much of the time.

I think my head and heart knows that I have some huge decisions to make within the next couple of months and it scares me.

I know that God has my teaching position already waiting for me, but I still worry.

I'm tired of giving...
Tired of feeling walked on and yet as exhausted as I am I still put myself in a place where I allow it to happen.
It doesn't seem to matter what I say either...the trampling continues.

I had a dream last night...

I was standing in the middle of a crowded shopping centre, the people were moving past me, some of them pumping me lightly as they passed. I started to scream, to scream as loud as I could, till it burnt my throat. And yet no one responded, everyone just kept on with wherever they were going and whatever they were doing...

I woke up feeling as though perhaps that isn't so far from the truth.

I don't want to sound like a whiney victim. Because I'm not.
I'm not a victim, I am redeemed and restored to victory.
But life and emotions still get hard sometimes.
They're hard now.