Monday, February 11, 2008

The [marriage] Learning Curve


Marriage really is such an interesting thing. It's so different from anything I have ever done before in my life. Call me naive, but I really didn't think it would be a whole heap different from my days of flatmates during uni, only a million times better because it was me sharing a place with the man I love.

It's a whoooooole heap different, and I find myself not really being able to explain why. Would it be suffice to say, "It Just is..." ?!!


Things have been tight around our place for the last few weeks. I'm still doing the casual teaching thing, as I never even received an interview for any of the jobs I applied for. It's a tricky business, believing that God has it all under control, that the job for me is out there I've just gotta keep applying and trusting. It's hard not to take it personally when I'm completely given the miss. I don't know how many times I've been told that there is a teacher shortage here in Melbourne. Every job I've applied for, when I've done the follow-up phonecall in an attempt to represent just how keen I am, I've been told that there are over a hundred applicants for each one of them. Now I'm no math buff, but to me that doesn't indicate any sort of shortage.

Seeing as school has only just gone back, the casual thing really hasn't supplied any work. I'm staying confident that the teacher absenses will be begin to steadily rise from here on in. But until then, it means that we're surviving on Timmy's wage alone. And it's tough.

It's been a pretty rough wake-up, a sort of baptism of fire. Life as a married, responsible couple in the city is a far cry from the country, Uni students with cheap accomodation and very little responsibility.

I guess it all has taken it's toll, we're more stressed than I think we've ever seen each other. Someone once told me that the highest rating reason for couples getting a divorce was due to finances. While Tim and I are nowhere near contemplating divorce, we CAN understand why finances would be a trigger. It's stressful when you're counting the pennies, trying to stretch it as far as it will go. Its almost suffocating.

I'm not typing this here to try and build sympathy, nor to make us out to be some sort of charity case. I guess the reason I'm sharing this is because it is an exhausting task to always respond to the question "So...hows married life?" with the overused "Great! Yeah, everythings fantastic!"

Because the truth is, everything ISN'T always fantastic. Tim and I fight and argue over, often the most stupid and trivial things that it seems ridiculous. Does that mean that we love each other any less than the day we made it all official with the pretty dress and the big cake and party? No, if anything we love each other a little bit more with ever fight. Because we're invested in each others lives. We care so deeply about each other that the energy is still there to fight for one another.
We argue because we're still learning. Gosh, we're learning so much! Yeah I was naive to think it would ever be anything like living with a flatmate - Timmy is a million times more important to me than any flatmate I have ever flatted with.
Everyday that we spend together holds the potential for learning, for growing, for human error and for understanding. our feeble little human minds miscomprehend, misinterpret and just plain miss so much! But we're getting there!!

I have never doubted that what Tim and I have is the real deal. I have never doubted that we have what it takes to love each other forever.

We're still learning what it is we need and we want of each other. Those desires and needs are a constantly evolving aspect of who we are. So it requires us to be constantly investing and listening and reaching out to one another. Perfection is a concept which is so foreign, but Love is something I'm reminded of everyday.
I love being Tims wife. I love him so much. I'm glad that I'm sharing this journey with him. We're in one of those tougher phases of life, but we know that Gods walking with us through it. We know that he's already gone up ahead and he's guiding us towards the good stuff. We're going to be better together, when we 'get' each other better, when we know the finer details better, when we're atuned and more parallel with not only each other, but with God also.

We are a work in process! But perhaps the greatest thing is that We're learning to find the joys in the little things. Those reminders that we're not forgotten, we're being looked after and watched over. Today, Timmy and I realised that his overtime at work had meant that we really hadn't spent a whole lot of one-on-one time together. So as we were watching telly in bed we suddenly decided to get up, grap Jesters leash and go for a wander around the block. it was so glorious, so needed. It was on sunset and the glow of the streets just felt gorgeous, we wandered and talked, laughed at Jester being his goofy normal self. The walk was blessing in itself, but as we came to the end of a street, there were the pieces of an iron double bed, resting against a fence with a sign telling us that it was free to anyone who wanted it. We had been wanting to get a double bed for our spare room, but couldn't afford it, so put it on our wish list.
We spent the next couple of minutes discussing what we would do about the missing slats...could we make our own? When Tim noticed another sign on it saying that all we needed to do was enquire in the house to grab the slats.

It was utterly amazing! Everything was there, all the pieces of the frame, the bolts and the slats - beautiful condition, all thats left is to get a double mattress.

We were utterly in awe. The only thing we could say was a massive thankyou to the big dude, for leaving us speechless by his incredible level of love and care for the mundane things in our lives, and reminding us that he's watching out for us...finances will never phase us so long as we keep trusting and loving him.
Life will always work out. So long as we keep working life out with God!

You know what?yeah we're Counting every penny right now, but it's not going to get us down...Life really is great!

True Happiness is all about perspective! :)