Let the Tears flow.

Today marks exactly one week in Melbourne. To date I have applied for 11 teaching positions and received 2 -"... We appreciate your application however must inform you that you have not been successful..." rejections.

I'm struggling a little bit.
I'm trying to stay as positive as possible, continuing to believe that there IS a job out there for me. I realise that things like this take time, but I'm really finding it hard to not feel useless and as though I'm an utter bum.

Prayer.

Thats what I want to ask for.

If anyone who reads this, whether you know me, well or not so well, heck even if you don't know me at all, if you happened to stumble across this blog and just stopped for a bit of a potter.

Prayer.

Thats what I want to ask for.

That I would remain steadfast in my faith and my trust in God and his divine timing. That I would not allow my self worth to be erroded during this time of searching. That I would find peace and hope and joy in every day that I am here.

I realise that life IS an adventure and I am so glad to be doing it with God and Tim and all of you standing beside me and encouraging me. I thank you sincerely, right from the heart.

Life is definitely different here in Melbourne. I've managed to get lost driving around the city - so many times I am beginning to lose count, however I am convinced that if forced, I could still count the number of times on two hands.

Isn't it funny the way loss of control forces you to draw closer to God. Ideally we should never draw away from him, but when I am transparantly honest the truth is I do. I become proud in my own capabilities and relly on my self more and push God further back as I work through life. He's always there, but sometimes I try to walk ahead of him, I try to do the leading...I end up lost and then turn to him for help, only to realise that he's walked the path before me, the path I now tread.

At one point I ended up completely lost, my mobile had no reception so I couldn't ring and ask Tim for directions. It was 11pm at night, I was tired and exhausted and pretty soon I could feel the hot tears streaming my cheeks.
I was giving myself such a hard time for being "So Stupid!" and then like a hailstorm I felt God fall hard and before I knew it I was sobbing uncontrollably.

I had been so stressed, yet in my attempts to 'keep it all together' I'd failed to really allow myself to feel validated in my angst and nervousness.
Can I just say that after a couple of minutes I wiped the last of the tears, sat up took a couple of deep breathes, restarted the car and felt SOOOO much better.
I will never underestimate the healing capabilities of a good cry.

More than anything else I felt God speak this to my spirit;
"Your in a completely new place, it's a stressful time, but I'm here and I've got you.
Don't give yourself such a hard time, take a chill pill girl [yep Gods become a funky americal black woman ;)] Don't expect to get everything right first time everytime. Allow yourself time. Be kinder to yourself, after all if you were perfect, how boring would your life be - I made this adventure for you,...embrace the adventure, enjoy it!"

I chucked a U'ie dropped the pride, stopped into a service station and asked for directions. Pretty soon I was back on track and made it home.

so, just so you know. I don't have it all together just yet. I'm still feeling a little stressy and nervous about the job front, about the living in a new city front.

But truth is, I will be okay, infact I WILL be more than fine. God has my back. He has looked at me, he has seen that what he has started in me IS good and he has promised to finish this! He's not done with me or Tim or you yet, he's still going before us and in his time we'll see what he's got.


I love you.