it's pretty amazing what God can do in a day.
At 4am this morning, in my groggy state, I send Laura a text asking that we could meet up and chat. By the time I woke at around 12pm I had completely forgotten. So instead there I lay moping and deciding that I would spend the day throwing a pity party for myself. Mobile starts ringing, Laura asks if I still want to meet up. I muster up all the advice I'd given to Waje about how locking yourself in your room in a depressive state really only makes you feel worse, and instead decide to head out and meet Laura.
I arrive at Laura's flat, which is one of those annoying ones that require a key to get in the main entryway. Security sound, yet friendly arrival annoying. After a little scrownching around in my bag, realise I don't have my mobile with me..."BUGGER!!"
So instead I go to stand on the other side of the road, giving me a clear view of the Balcony and Tims window, hoping desperately that Laura will see me eventually.
I probably waited there for close to 10 minutes and was just considering jumping in the car, heading home and grabbing my mobile when who should walk out the door, but Tim. The conversation suprised me with it's flow, really not as stunted and uncomfortable as I expected...but still not what I would class as a joy by any means. Laura apparantly headed out about half an hour ago - Tim gave her a ring for me, Thankyou!
I discover the girl mixed herself up, and gave me the wrong instructions. But I wander over to the "other" caffeines. This is going to sound so stupid, but I did get a little teary seeing Tim.
Laura the beautiful grabbed my arm the second she saw me and we walked the rest of the way linked together. As we spotted the cafe` along comes Nick, talking on his mobile. I swear everytime I see him in town he's on that mobile. We put on a bit of a show of Mock surprise, before he asks if he can chat for a min. Loz and I wait while he finishes on the phone. By the end of it there sat Laura, Nick and I in Caffeines.
It was fun, nice distraction really.
After probably an hour Nick headed off and Loz and I were left together to chat about the Tim situation. which was good, the more I talk to friends about it, the more I am convinced that I did the right thing.
God has asked me to be faithful to the convictions he has placed within me, and as desperately as I may not want to be sometimes, as hard as the flesh fights against me, I'm trying, I'm choosing and I'm living what he has called me to live. I don't want to sell out, I don't want to compromise. I swore that I would never do that twice. Yet I considered it anyway.
In one day I can see Gods blessings upon the decision. One of the fruits of the spirit is abundant joy - and today as I sat and chatted with Laura and Nick I felt that. Peace, Love...Gods annointing in my life. I KNOW that I made the right decision and I believe that God will honour that, I do not believe that it is a proud thing to say that I will have Gods annointing poured out on my life. If I am seeking him and his ways in me, if I am honouring and blessing him in my decisions with the sincere desire that his name be glorified. Well then I can know that he will be there and he will come through big time!
Another blessing. Something shifted with Nick today. For the first time we had a relaxed and comfortable conversation. No I'm not in love with him. In fact I believe more ardently that I have more than dealt with that. Laura noticed it too. "Jess I really feel God saying that because you've decided to be mature in your feelings for Nick, your ready to be friends with him" In fact the more I speak to Nick, the more I see two completely different people. I can appreciate him for who he is. But who he is, is not what I desire or need.
After lunch, Laura and I headed back to her flat to retrieve the belt I'd left there when I'd stayed over.
Tim arrived home. I decided to be brave. If I sincerely wanted friendship I had to be willing to be active in the persuit of it.
I wandered in and asked about my ellusive belt, he had no idea where it was, but we ended up chatting for quite some time. It was a little strange, a little awkward. But it loosened up once I verbalised what we were both feeling. And it's agreed, it will be awkward for a while, but we'll work our way through and we can hopefully be great friends. in time.
On my way home, I stopped in to see Waje. He'd complained of a sore throat, so I grabbed a box of Butter Menthols and popped my head in to say "G'day".
Planned to meet before Cell group tomorrow and have dinner. I'm cooking for the boy at 6 at his place. Then at 7 the mob will turn up for bible study. It'll be nice to have some old-day flat experiences with my boy waje.
So yes. A little bit of sadness still lingers. But I am blessed. I am glad that I made a decision to be faithful to what I know I needed. God is Good. Thankyou Lord for amazing friends, thankyou for the support you have placed within my life, thankyou for the joy you fill me with, the spirit of life which makes all things bearable in your strength.
Thankyou friends for your prayer and your wisdom.
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