Reflection...

I miss him...

As I unpacked the christmas tree from its box, and began to untangle the tinsel from its muddled mess, my eyes fell upon a christmas card resting neatly on the bottom of the box, obviously from the Christmas before. I gently opened it and began to read, and there at the bottom of the page in scrawly black ink, "Fondest wishes, Jillian, Peter, Teagan, Brayden and Lauchlan."
Sitting cross legged on the floor, I closed the card and just sat staring into space for a few minutes. Untill my small trance was broken by my Mum coming up the stairs and extending my guitar towards me, "Do something with this would you Jess" She mumbled...she wandered off, and again I was left in my quiet solitude, guitar resting across my lap, the glow of twilight softly flooding the room.

It has been nearly 3 months since Lauchie departed from this place, and as Christmas slowly approaches my heart bleeds for his family. As they glance at the unoccupied seat which Lauchlan once rested within, as they wait for the unyielding heckling of the foods quality which will never come, at least during this lifetime. Lauchie has left a big hole in the hearts of everyone who knew him.

I admired his patience as he taught me the fundamentals of guitar...5 second breaks between chord changes, he never sighed loudly or made fun of me, he would have made a fine teacher. Thats if he hadn't ardently believed that unless you were studying Mathematics or the sciences then you were a bludger, through and through.
He never seemed to tire of reminding me that Primary Education students where the laziest people at university...that is untill he dated one, he never gave me a hard time after that. As my guitar lessons with Lauchie reached the one year mark, my pride blossomed as it no longer took 5 seconds to find the next chord. I remember the joy of Jamming along to "Wish you were Here" By Pink Floyd...I would strum the basics while Lauch would do the fancy plucky stuff...thanks for making me feel part of the band Lauchster. One thing I will always carry with me, is the day after many a practice that Lauchie asked me to play a song, it was his birthday..."Play me a song Jess, whatever you like that can be my present...dedicate it to me" I remember playing a nervous fumbling of "Bad Moon arising" Lauchie gave me a standing ovation anyway.

But perhaps the fondest memories of Lauch that I will carry forever, are our 'wiper wars'.
For some reason unbeknownst to me he became convinced that it was me who insisted on standing his windscreen wipers up whenever I walked past his car in the college carpark. For the record, it wasn't me but after a while it became easier to just claim the annoying behaviour as my own. And not too long after that my own windscreen wipers began to be found, standing on end. This game extended beyond merely college carparks. If we were in town and discovered the targets car, we would rush in and complete the deed [it of course did not count unless you were able to complete the task undetected].
I miss our games. I miss his sarcasm, I miss his charm. I miss my brother.

Through the pain of remembering him, there is joy and there is peace. In a way I envy him, because I know that he has reached paradise. For he knew Christ and he served him faithfully as he walked this earth. I imagine him walking the golden streets of heaven, with the divine aroma flooding his nostrils, the burdens of life no longer bringing his shoulders to a slouch. There is a spring in his step as he walks in sync with Christ, discussing the mathematics of the universe, drinking deeply from the spirit as his soul soars into eternity.

I will see him again...

And so, as I sat cross legged on the floor, surrounded by the christmas tree and the knotted mess of tinsel, I raised the guitar onto my lap, gentle stroked the strings to test the tuning...and finally with a soft smile gently raising my cheeks I whispered "This is for you Lauchie" and strummed out the chorus of "Bad moon arising" I wonder if he would have given me a standing ovation this time? I hope I made him proud.