Saturday saw Mum, dad and myself heading to Newcastle to visit Kate. I knew from the beginning that it wasn't going to be a particularly pleasant trip, thus why I chose to go anway. Mum and Kate have very similar personality traits and I could see yelling and crying as being very real possibilities. And as it turned out, my expectations were right on target. So why was I there? I guess I've always had this knack for mediating between Kate and mum, I don't want to see either get hurt by the harsh, blunt emotional-heat-of-the-moment words thrown by the other. As unpleasant as it was, I wanted to be there, and I'm glad I was...because I do believe that I served my purpose.
I suppose that I should explain, I know that I don't have to, I know that it probably isn't even necessary. But this blog is more than me merely sharing whats happening in my life, it's purpose for myself personally runs alot deeper than that. And so I explain for myself as much as for your own clarification.
It came to light around 8 weeks ago, when Kates real estate agent made contact with my dad, that it seemed Kate wasn't paying her rent. Upon talking to Kate she insisted that she has been paying her rent, through her swipe card at the post office.
My dad held off telling my mum, for at least 4 of those weeks. Believe me if you know my mother, then you would understand. She gets stressed and worries profusely about things like this. Well, basically anything to do with her family, and while it's nice to know that she cares, it makes her vitually impossible to live with.
Not knowing exactly what was going on himself, dad decided to hold off telling mum untill he knew more.
More time passed, Kate claimed she was still paying the rent, the real estate agent claimed that they still had not recieved anything. Till one weekend, last weekend, they rang to say they had recieved one. To which Kate was able to produce a coinciding receipt for. She was unable to provide receipts for any of these other transactions.
owing in excess of $1800, she should have been evicted by now...she's been pretty blessed that she hasn't.
Thus mum was told, and the trip to Newcastle followed.
...
I don't really know what to say.
I love Kate with everything, she's my soul-mate, my best friend and I would hope that we share an entirely honest relationship. She maintained that she had paid the rent, she had an answer for everything.
But is it wrong to say that for some of her explanations alarm bells rang...some just did not line up with what could be fact.
I don't really have the energy to explain all the other issues which were stirring within the whole ordeal.
But when it comes down to it, I'm scared that mum and dad have lost a level of their belief in Kate. They are beginning to believe that she is and has been lying to them for some time...and what worries me the most is that she's been lying to me to.
But call me naive I want to believe her, and I choose to. I don't want to not and then find out she was telling the truth all along...what a betrayal.
And what if I find out that she has been lying? well then yes, there will be a level of betrayal there, but I can live with that, I can live with being betrayed, I just don't think I could live with betraying another whom I love. I would rather be naive and believe the best of her...I love her, how can I do anything else?
The dynamic in our family has changed and it saddens me. While I claim to embrace change and opportunity, the truth is I can be quite set in my ways. While there are indeed area's of my life where I do embrace the unknown, when it comes to things like my family...I'm not eager at all to let go of what has been so precious to me.
Just now as I sit here I glanced at the wall with all our family photo's from a year ago, right back to when Kate and I were around 5. Oh how simple everything was back then, and the saddest thing of all is that we never even knew how good it was...untill we end up here. Miles apart, missing her like crazy and wanting so desperately to be there for her. She's hurting, I know she's hurting.
She knows mum and dad doubt her, and that breaks her heart. To be perfectly honest I just don't know...The person I see when I visit isn't Kate, she's changed, the hairs grown, the colours changed, she's older, more mature than I remember. But then she opens her heart and we commune as we did, as sisters as friends, and a love flows between us which is so sincere, and I know her again, she still is exactly who I knew her to be. A little wiser, definitely more beautiful...but all the same, it's all Katie.
My love for her will never die, I will love her forever.
I don't know what I would do if I didn't...I just couldn't not.
And it's as simple as that!
Everythings going to be okay. God's got it in his hands. Everything will come out as it is soon enough. And I trust that Katies world is exactly as she stated it to be.
goodnight.
Kate & Jez :
Laughing it up. The way I'll always remember her; my partner in crime.
1 comment:
you write really well, i guess i'm just curious of others thoughts and how they express them. really enjoyed "reflection" on lauch. amazing to know loss like that and still live so vibrantly as you obviously do. cheers to life.
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