Self Love

I spent Sunday afternoon hanging around with my Tim. As we pottered our way up the street to find something for lunch, we were chatting lightly about the week, brushing softly on the happenings. By the time we had wandered our way back to Tims flat we were well and truely into the deeper issues of our week.
Societies place for me as a woman is something which I will wrestle with my entire life, I do not doubt that for a second. However, what is changing in me is my thoughts, my opinions when it comes to what is said of me as a women.
I sort of got to the point when I was talking to Tim that I realised I was standing on my soap box a little bit, but he humoured me and listened intently, and even threw some encouragement and questions my way, which stirred me, in order to help the conversation remain two sided and not simply a preach.

I've been thinking about this for a while. Not constantly, but it always seems to find a place to linger, at least at the back of my mind. However, after this weekend it really has come to the forefront again.

As a woman I believe that I have accepted a lie as truth for far to long.
We as women are the absolute best at personally ridiculing ourselves. We pick and we pick and we pick at ourselves more than anyone else we come across in this life. We have accepted a lie, which has been manufactured and marketed by cosmetics and clothing companies, the fashion industry as a general whole. The lie reads;
"If you love yourself then your stuck-up. There has to be something wrong with you, take a look, there's no way you could possibly be the way that your meant to be. You must always have something to wish you could change"
it's so obvious why the lie has been invented, because once we hear the whisper of the lie, it's quickly followed with a; "You should buy this product, it will fill that void in you, it will make you happy, it will make you finally feel happy with yourself"

It's interesting how naturally we as women are ready to pull ourselves down. Tim pointed this out to me while I was mid way through my rave.
"Jess, I totally agree with you, the attitude does need to change, but it only can if people start to change. Do you realise how many times I've tried to give you a compliment and you've scoffed or you've pointed out something about yourself which you don't like..."
He's right, he's absolutely right.
I need to begin to change my thought cycle. I need to give myself a break and begin to focus less on what I think I should be, and more on what I am, what I have to work with and loving it.

When I picked Kate and Rea up from the airport we had this incredible conversation in the car, about this very topic.
It was during this chat that I realised how female understanding of self love is warped, it's confussed so easily with snobbishness. I don't think that i could put it any better than Kate said it herself;
"...Theres a difference between loving yourself and being stuck up. If you're stuck up, then you carry an attitude of 'I'm pretty wonderful, I want everyone to know it, and know that it makes me better than them'. Whereas an attitude of self love is being able to look at yourself and say 'I may not be perfect but I'm happy with what I've got, I'm going to continue to be the best I can be and I want to share the best I've got with others..."

Timmy's helping to keep me accountable to 'The Change'. Helping me to Focus on God to reach inside and stir up some attitudes and habits which have been hanging around for far too long, while outwardly focussing on giving myself a break, accepting a compliment and projecting this fresh attitude further. By taking on a healthy attitude of self love, I do believe that it, in some small way encourages other women to give themselves permission to love what they've got, and hopefully continue to project that on to the people around them. I may be getting completely carried away, but I do believe that when we are loving in a full and healthy way then there comes this God-given desire to push it outward, push it further than merely ourselves, and begin to really touch and bless those around us.

Love yourself ladies. It's not about thinking your perfect [coz none of us ever will be] it's about realising that no amount of makeup, clothing, jewellery, money, boyfriends, friends or whatever the lie is telling you to consume, is ever going to fill that void. I believe that only once we begin to love ourselves and give one another as women, permission to love ourselves - then we begin to break down this vicious wall of masked self destruction which has been built-up for far too long.

As consumers we are taught to speak like this, look like that, be interested in these things and you'll be a vibrant and attractive person.
But you were created unique, you were created to be like no other, similar sometimes maybe, but never exactly the same. Only once you give yourself permission to be the person who comes naturally only to you, will you truely step into a self which is truely dynamic and vibrant and beautiful and magnetic to all those around you. Because finally...finally after all this time spent hiding you now look so honestly comfortable in your own skin.

Shine beautiful woman...all it takes is to give permission to yourself. You deserve it, and I honestly hope that you're beginning to believe, see, feel and understand that!
I love you!