Conceited, Cynical, Optimist?

Every so often I get into moods like this, where people just irritate me.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I can be a stubborn-ass and I'm like that in a lot of area's of my life. It pretty much was birthed in my parents attitudes to everything while we were kids. If we started anything, whether it be Tennis, Ballet, music lessons, whatever it was whether we decided that we enjoyed it or not, we were never allowed to just quit. We were expected to 'see out' the year and then if we didn't want to do it anymore we would drop it. We could give it up, at a time when we wouldn't be letting anyone down (after the end of year dance-concerts, Eistedford, Tennis championships, etc.)
At the time I really didn't appreciate what my parents were teaching me, but in retrospect ( as everything is always clearer in retrospect) I realize the value of the lesson, and I stay true to it, out of my own choice and will now also.
Yes I tend to be more cynical, but would it be considered an oxymoron to say that I also generally give people the benefit of the doubt and try to see the best in them...would it be horrendously grammaticaly incorrect to refer to myself as being a cynical optimist?

ah well, this is my blog, my thoughts, I can class myself as whatever I see fit.
Over the last year in particular, as I've grown more than ever before, I feel that I'm a lot less naive than I once was.
I've also grown to realize that often I do not believe that people give me the credit which is due. perhaps this post will come across as an arrogant, conceited rant. My hope is that it doesn't, rather that people may get another snap-shot into the scrapbook of my mind.

In my life I've been the joker, My dad is of course the king of this(he's a self confessed "8") and I am but his faithful apprentice. Dad has often said that I'm the only one he knows who can bring mum out of the grumps so well.
Very few people know me as well as my family knows me, very few ever will, and even less will ever try.
That is the reason for my irritation with people of late. I guess that I'm not the same person I used to be, I'm sure that you've become irritated with my repetition of my desire for transparancy with others. But I find myself unsatisfied with shallow, mere aquaintance friendships (as I refer to them) I find myself frustrated by friendships which rarely, without heavy pushing, delve into the deeper issues, I want to KNOW people, not just be able to recognize them in a crowd.
Man, when I want to I can talk, and if you'll let me I'll have a mighty fine crack at it. But on the flip side, I'm also a listener, I like to help others sort through issues, share concerns and just allow me to be trusted with the tales of their lives.

Perhaps it is my silly side, perhaps I myself have not always been transparent with others, and thus is the reason for my current displeasure with people, and their lack of care for my world.

Perhaps I am conceited and just groping for attention, validation...
Perhaps I've become a cynical old woman long before my due date...

Whatever it is, I just wish that people would be what they say, say what they are and stop pussy-footing around things and just tell it like it is.

I'm trying to be honest with my life, I'm trying to share with people parts of myself...but the sad fact is, that too often already I've trusted those parts with people who really didn't give a crap, and their lack of care has left those area's of me feeling worthless...because they treated them as though they were nothing.

I know I'm not worthless, I know that those parts of me want to be heard, I hope that theres someone who needs to hear them.

But alas for now, I do find company in solitude (I'm full of the oxymorons this evening it seems) pondering my thoughts, sharing them in my journal, and when I irritate even myself, ...well I pray then sleep...let my subconcious take over for a while.

In fact I think I'm starting to irritate myself right now (at which point I must surely have irritated you, the reader of this, already) so I will go...Pray then sleep... It's time the subconcious got a word in.