Focus people...focus!

So I'm still home here in Forster.
2 weeks of Teaching Prac + 2 weeks of working at Vaccation Care= 1 week of lazing around the house like a slob untill I head back to Uni, starting from tomorrow.
However, today being Sunday meant that I headed to My parents Church. And it was one of those mornings, when getting out of Bed seems like an exhausting task.
I've been a bit stressed lately, just with everything thats going on, so now that I've reached relaxation mode, the flu (which I've managed to keep at arms length for the last 2 months) is starting to raise it's ugly head --->But I am NOT going to get sick, I'm cramming in the oranges (Haven't tried the guiness yet ;) ) When i woke this morning my throat was killing and for a moment I thought my voice was gone, the old shnozza was well and truely blocked and to finish it off, only being able to claim 4 hours sleep didn't help the situation.
So when I first stirred I was tossing up whether I should go, or take the day off, sounds terrible doesn't it, needing to 'take off' church.
But going by experience, everytime I've not wanted to go to church, but ended up going anyway I've gotten something awesome out of it, and really been blessed because I went. So in the end I went, I'm convinced that when God has something awesome for me to hear, the devil will do whatever he can to stop me from hearing/ recieving it and the best place to start is by keeping me outta the way and in bed.
So I headed to Church, and just had a blast! man I get so stoked when I'm in worship, it's one of my fave places to be...

after the service I was chatting with Chris, now Chris and his wife Narelle have been at the Church since I was about 10, yet it's only been since I moved out of home and only come back for holidays that I've really gotten to know the bloke. But I love the chats we've shared, he's a funny bloke and really encouraging to talk to. He'd be in his late 30's but his life experience and help through my struggles and so on has been so wonderful.

So today while we were chatting he said something which just filled me with so much patience, so much strength.

"Jess don't ever settle for second best in a partner, God has someone out there for YOU!, don't ever sell yourself short and go with someone who isn't worthy of you...you'll find worthiness and contentment, just trust and know what your worth..."

just hearing those words from him lifted me incredibly...of late I've been feeling pretty unattractive and loserish, so it was nice to know that even us geeks deserve someone worthy.
It wasn't something I didn't already know, it just helped confirm to me that it's okay for me to not want to date just 'anyone' and keep focusing on other things and not get distracted with the whole Boyfriend dealio...

...

Man, just while I was typing up this post, I had a conversation with a friend on MSN...and within the time frame of about 5 minutes I got to the point where I wanted to slap the bloke...

it wasn't so much him in himself, rather it is some of the people around me...

I have seen people, pumped for God and doing crazy-cool stuff...then a possible love opportunity has come along and they've changed, their focus has shifted and suddenly they're not coming to the bible studies anymore because they'd rather spend time with that certain 'other'. They only come to church if the 'other' is going to be there, and when they do attend together so much of the time is spent canoodling. They ring me because they want to read their bible but claim "I just don't have the time now that I'm dating ______, because we have to do stuff together..."

and it gives me the craps big time. I mean seriously if you want to read the bible that much you can MAKE the time...heck why don't you read the bible together?!!

I've now shifted into cynical mode, in the space of like, 10 minutes.

I just think it's so stupid, and it irritates me so much. Is being in a relationship THAT important that your willing to abandon your 'first Love'?
I'm so over it all, in fact I've reached the point where I don't even want the possibility of a relationship right now...that'll probably change in time. I don't belive that all relationships are going to distract you, in fact I believe that if it's God-centred then if anything, it's gonna want/love/need God even more so.

I guess the point I'm at now, is that I don't even want to risk it. I want my focus to be clear, I don't want God shaken from the top position in my life...Only once I've become more settled in Christ (not completed) and I'm spiritually mature enough to deal with a relationship without compromising my walk with Christ...well... then I'll stop throwing those big rocks at the male population.
nah it's not the blokes that are the problem...it's where the focus lies, and thats no ones choice but my own.

I guess Chris's words are true for me...I don't want to settle for second best, and so I'm willing to grow and wait for somone who is going to strengthen, challenge and egg-me on for Christ, not someone who'll lag me back, hinder me or whatever...after all I couldn't bear the thought of doing that to someone else...

So I wait...sure my flesh gets lonely and wants that other now...but My spirit is SO content in waiting, because I know that whats at the end of it'll be worth it.

I'm feeling alot better now...just getting it out has cooled me down...starting to feel tired though...this what they can emotionally drained?

ah well, nothing a choc-caramel slice, a glass of milk and a good sleep won't fix.