The lessons...

For too long I've been battling myself - for so long I've been holding onto the warped perception that if I was only stronger, then I would be worthy of Christ.
But no matter what I do, or how desperately I try, I will never be worthy of him, yet he loves me completely anyway.
It can't be about me being stronger, because this body which holds me, this flesh is so weak. This is the way I am, no point denying it...but this is the way I am supposed to be ~ Because God is strong, he is the ultimate strength, and it is only once I recognize my weakness and give it up, that is when God can come through and start to sort out the messes that I create in my life...he begins to push me towards purpose.
Probably the most awesome thing I've learnt is that no matter how I sin, no matter how I screw up, God still places blessings in my life, which means that my sin does not disqualify me from the blessings, only one thing does...my inability to trust him.

I never want to convince myself that I have sacrificed anything for Christ, to carry on as though the things I've sacrificed in this life somehow even compare to what God has in store for me, if I choose to be faithful. God cannot force me to do anything, he places options before me, and it's up to me...
To say that I have sacrificed anything is to say that my previous fixations were something more than trash besides God's gifts...The things which God has in store will make the things I have had appear as refuse and waste.

So what does this mean?!
This means that I need to begin to live a life without fear or cares for the cost...without compromise, no backing down, it's all for him...