Teetering...

It's been a rough week...
A rough week of friendship, A close friend of mine revealed a side of herself which was nothing like I had ever seen in her before, in fact I didn't think she would even have it in her. Another young lady who I have befriended over the last 2 months betrayed me terribly, people who I trusted turned their backs on me...and as the week progressed I just sunk deeper into my shell, sort of recoiled into myself. People asked me if I was doing ok..."Your alot quieter than normal Jess"...yes I have been...

Things are being shredded inside me...I'm learning to love without trust, I'm learning to love regardless.

If at any point I lashed out at you unfairly, I apologise...I had no right to do that.

I've been wrestling, with God, with my own standings and beliefs.

I don't despise anyone, I'm not bitter, I'm not angry...but I'll admit that I'm hurt. My prayer has been that God would allow me the healing to face these people, to press on with these people and to love them, regardless of how they may have treated me in the past.

and then today I read the blog of one of my greatest friends in the world, and as I read, I cried, man, I wept so hard. The falling out in our friendship feels as though it was so long ago, in fact I had nearly completely forgotten that it ever happened, but it served as a reminded...as a sort of beacon of hope...
The friendship that I share with Bee, is one of the greatest I have ever known, she is a beautiful, amazing woman who I love sincerly for everything she is, and I know that from our struggles together our friendship will be stronger, it will be more honest and beautiful than ever before.

As I hit the red button on this post, log off the computer, leave the computer labs and head back to my flat, I do it with hope...with the knowledge that good does come from pain, that friendship and love will outshine turmoil.

Right now some of my friendships hang, teetering dangerously on the edge, but with love, and the willingness to hang on we can pull through, and pull through stronger than ever...

so I leave with hope...and pray that everythings going to be okay.